9. It’s An Adrenaline Rush
Cheating is one of the greatest adrenaline rushes one could ever have. I cheated often, and I wasn’t too bad at it. It all comes down to ego. You even begin to enjoy the lies. There are people that fuck up and cheat. One time; I was stupid and feel terrible. Then it stops. That happens. But then you have people that have a fetish for it.
The great equalizer in a cheaters life is dating someone better at it than you. I dated my best friend. It was one of those occurrences you read in fairy tales where you see the girl for the first time and you know you’re in love. 14 years old first day of high school. We clicked immediately. It took us 9 years of friendship before we finally hooked up. When we finally did we were both in relationships. It was great. We cheated for a while then decided to break it off with them and become an item.
I decided to part with my ways as a cheater. I had a chick on the side for a while before and during her. I broke it off finally with that one as well. We dated for about 6 months. We both found our soulmates. I spent 3 years training day in and day out to fulfill a dream of ten years. It would have required me to move so I stayed behind and quit to be with her. After 6 months she started showing the signs. Short texts, breaking off plans, etc. I knew what it meant. She was back on the cheat drug. I couldn’t take it. I was Batman of a detective. Found everything. We broke it off and I was crazy for about a year.
Looking back; I don’t blame her. It was a rush it was what we knew. We started in infidelity of course it was bound to end that way. She is by far the greatest person I know. But like any addiction it is almost impossible to ever shake. I now have a gf whom I will not cheat on. The urge is always there but you learn to see it as what it is. It’s a selfish form of validation.
As for the ex. We have been through too much to ever fix that for many more reasons than you care to read. She is still one of my best friends and we stay in touch. There’s a quote somewhere about soulmates not being the person you marry. They break you down and make you realize what you really are.
Through all the lies and the self destructive behavior, you realize you’re actually doing a drug. Habitual cheating is exactly like drug use. It benefits no one but you and your selfish needs. Then when you get off of it, you’re always one step away from relapse. My gf now is the bees knees and I’ve been nothing but honest about my past. She has always had trust issues in past relationships but with me she doesn’t. I don’t know how that happens. That faith has made it so easy for me to stay true. It also helps that I’m not 22 anymore. Age and ego go hand in hand.