Liane White

I cannot restrain my mind or withhold my affection. I am not okay being casual when all I want is to stake a claim on you. I am not chill. And I realize that is the last thing I want to be.

Sometimes I feel like I cannot remember a life before you. Before meeting you. Falling in love with you. Losing you. And missing you. Because missing you is all I do.

Don’t say I’m a nice girl and any guy will be lucky to have me when you don’t believe you could be him.

You are in love with the idea of him. The promises not reality. The potential not his true self. The imaginary idea that he is all you want and you will not find another like him.

If he emphasizes how he can’t see into the future and how you should just live in the present.

It is in callous words, disinterested gazes, and kisses empty of desire that I miss you the most.

It means that I love you so I can’t. Can’t tell you. Can’t burden you with my feelings. Because you do not feel the same way. Or maybe you used to but that love has expired. Dissolved into thin air. Faded with the passing of time.

It took me less than one day to remove all traces of you from my life. It will, however, take me more than a lifetime to remove you from my mind.

I used to leap before looking. Now before I can move, I’m frozen in fear with my demons screaming in my mind.

I catch a glimpse of love. And as terrified as I am, I never want to say goodbye to you. All I can think of is how much I want you to stay.

Practice mindfulness. Be in the present. Sometimes that is all you have.

With you, there is no between the lines. It is either in or out. Black or white. To love or not to love. And frankly, you scare me.