I knew that I was over you when I stopped waiting for you to come back.
I stopped imagining the thousand ways we would be reunited and how delighted I was falling back into your arms. I stopped believing that all we needed was a chance at a do-over. I stopped wishing for a second attempt to build a future with you. I stopped thinking that there was even the slightest chance to right all the wrongs between us. I saw clearly for the first time how there was no way we could have continued.
The last time you left and came back, I was elated. I thought that this time the stars had aligned and we were at the right universe where we would get it right at last. I had lofty dreams of us and was blindly optimistic that this would work out. I was convinced that you held the key to my happiness and I wanted to be with you. I was shattered when I learned afterward that no amount of effort from me was able to save our one-sided relationship.
The truth is that we don’t belong together anymore.
We don’t belong together since that fateful day when you decided to walk out of my life when I needed you the most. We don’t belong together since a long time ago when we both stopped trying for each other. It wasn’t overnight that caused us to drift apart. It was the unspoken words and quiet distance that broke us. The invisible crack in our seemingly flawless relationship that eventually proved to be our demise. The silence and lack of effort that led us to a state of inevitable ruin.
I didn’t ask for much. All I wanted was you to be there for me and showed up when you said you would. All I wanted was honesty and transparency without any lies or deceit. All I wanted was someone who would treat me with love, care, and respect. Someone who would place me as a priority because I matter to him. Someone who would never, ever give up on our relationship no matter how tough the going gets. Someone who values my worth and appreciates the person I am without the need of changing me.
And I guess in return, I couldn’t be the ideal person that you were looking for. Perhaps, I was wrong in thinking love could conquer all and that we deserved a second chance. It was by trying again that it dawned on me that our relationship had run its course. It was past saving and we were both trapped with unmet expectations and growing resentment. Ironically, the relationship that used to bring us so much joy became the cause of our suffering.
That did not make our ending any easier. Moving on from you was a gradual progress. Slowly, I realized that this universe without you is exactly where I need to be. I have no burning desire to search for alternate ones where we ended up together. I do not wish to drive myself mad wondering what I could have done differently so that our paths could lead to each other. I do not want to put my life on hold while waiting for the impossible.
I guess I’m finally ready to move on.