Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

We will give you our all. We will give you our blood and tears and sweat with no shame. This is who we are. And we aren’t ashamed of that. 

Show her that you are the type of person who will fight for what you believe in. And what you believe in, is her. Show her that this time, love is going to be different. That this time love will be braver and stronger and will withstand against the winds of change.

If I didn’t have anxiety, I’d have better self esteem. I wouldn’t question my ability to write. I wouldn’t question myself as a person. I wouldn’t question my self worth and ability to love. I would just be content with just me.

You keep her by knowing that you will never be able to take all of her pain away. And knowing that she will never fully be able to take away yours. But by knowing that at least having each other, is better than nothing at all. 

That’s the thing about anxiety. You can’t wish it away or pray it away or drink it away. You can’t disconnect. You can’t just. Stop.

Our months of drawn out kisses and sweaty hands clasped together. Our hot three hour long bus rides to New York and another one to Philly. Our Julys in the rain. Our Augusts of heartbreak and tears that grew seeds into our hearts. Our eager hello’s and that gutting final goodbye. The summer months were always ours, even when we ended.

Only when she left you, did you give a damn. Only when she said goodbye, did you open up your heart again. Only when she slammed the door, was when you grew up and changed. Only when she gave up you, did you want her back

The whole time you were convinced that you would be their right person. And that you would be the person to make a difference. To change their perception of relationships and being committed to just one person. You were convinced that you were different from the rest. And that you could make them fall in love with you.

You pushed her away by not being the man she used to know. By not being the man she used to love and adore and give her heart to. You pushed her away, by not being good enough. By not being a better man.

You miss being carefree. Not giving a damn. When you didn’t know what sadness felt like. You miss not knowing what pain was. What loss was. What longing was.

You still stalk your ex when you’re drunk. After a little too much wine on a Saturday night, you find yourself deep into stalker mode looking at your ex when he was in middle school. Do yourself a favor and block the poor guy already!

We become incredibly attached. Once time has passed, and we are in a committed relationship, we become attached and clingy. Why? Because our anxiety tells us this relationship is temporary.

So you’re single. Because you know better now. You know better than to give your heart to just anyone. You know better than to toss your soul away to people who won’t treat it with respect. You’re single because you know your worth now.

I need for anxiety not to control my entire life. I need for myself to be stronger. 

So stay single until you know your own worth. Stay single until you know your value to this world. Stay single until you can fill your own heart up. Stay single until you can smile genuinely at your self. Stay single until you beam with pride at your own heart. Stay single until you can truly tell yourself that you are worthy and wonderful and lovable.

Modern dating is like trying to swim in the Atlantic Ocean just waiting for sharks to attack you. It’s like sitting in the Sahara Desert waiting for the sky to open up and downpour on you. It’s like going to the dentist and realizing that you have five cavities and they forgot to numb you first.

You are your own unique and wonderful person. There is only one of you in this entire world and in this entire universe. So don’t let anyone treat you like you are not special. Don’t let anyone treat you like you are not magnificent.

You do not have to be with someone who does not make your heart feel held. Don’t stick by someone who does not stick by you in the same way. Don’t give all your wildfire and your light to someone who does not see beauty in it. Don’t give your everything to someone who gives you nothing.