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Someday, Your Heart Won’t Hurt This Much

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Timothy Paul Smith

I know your heart is hurting. I know your whole body is aching. Aching for him or for her. Aching for the past, for the years when your body felt whole. I know you keep getting burned by matches that scald your skin and mark your bones, and you just let yourself crumble. And I know it hurts too much to make it stop.

I know you are tired. Tired of all the pain and all the floods of sadness that hit your ribcage. And I know you think that it will always be like this. That you will always love him or love her. I know that you think that time won’t change a thing. That time won’t heal your hurting soul.

But please know, someday, one day, your heart will hurt a little less. And you won’t feel like this anymore. And you will be ok. 

I know today you see the sun and it burns your eyes, but someday it will bring you comfort. It may even bring you joy when it hits your tired, swollen eyes.

And I know today you see your body and you despise all of it. You hate your legs and the way your thighs shake when you walk. You hate your cheeks that are reddened from your salty tears. You hate your lips that used to get kissed by an angel. And I know right now, you hate yourself. And you hate all of those people who left you.

But someday, you will look in the mirror and you will like how your eyes gleam a little brighter. And you will like the way your legs can take you places that that boy will never know of. And you will smile at yourself. And you will be ok.

And I know today you miss the hell out of him or her or them. I know today, you miss everything that your life once was. You miss that city or that small town. You miss being six years old and not having a care in the world. You miss the way your mom made you homemade chicken soup when you had a cold. You miss the way your dad built you swings made out of the wood he chopped down in the winter cold. You miss the past and the little person that you used to be.

You miss being carefree. Not giving a damn. When you didn’t know what sadness felt like. You miss not knowing what pain was. What loss was. What longing was.

And I know you think this feeling will float around your heart forever. You think you will always be haunted by the ghost of your past and of who you were before you met this person. But please know, someday you will be free of this pain. You will be free of this heartache and this haunted space.

And someday you will be able to breathe without it hurting so much. And you will be able to smile, without him or her or them. Someday, your heart will beat again. And it’s not going to sting. 

And you will be okay. TC mark

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