Katie Mather

Congratulations!

We Made Eye Contact On The Subway And I Immediately Imagined Our Future Together (We Move To The Suburbs And Have Three Beautiful Kids)

Dan: “Oh, you write? That must be nice. Have you ever heard of Deutsche Bank though?”
Liz: “You write? Fantastic. What’s your last name? I’m going to read everything you’ve ever published right now in line for the bathroom.”

I like to be the big spoon sometimes because I secretly think about how vulnerable the other person is.

It’s a dangerous mindset to be made part of. And it’s everywhere.

How lucky are you to have finally found a creature as whimsical as I?

Deception is beyond being just a bad habit––it’s a psychological conundrum.

The friend zone is fine. I’m really comfortable here. I’m not overthinking everything and I definitely don’t resent you because I’m really into you and you don’t feel the same way. This is totally fine with me (it’s not, just date me).

Any ‘Lord of the Rings’ movie: Elijah Wood carries a ring around New Zealand and a bunch of elves and wizards try to fight him. Somehow Martin Freeman is involved and I feel like he doesn’t wear shoes throughout the movie, so I want nothing to do with it.

Wesley, 2.5/5 stars. Why he doesn’t have 0/5 stars: He put four of his business cards in the fishbowl to win a free happy hour and promised you were invited if he won.

Ignoring you and all other responsibilities is how I recharge. So you have to let me do it. And you can’t get mad at me.

They’re the best source of comfort to you during your lowest moments.

If guys can still wear fuckin’ cargo shorts, we 110% can wear pants with holes in them. Cargo shorts have 87 different sized pockets. Destroyed denim allows us the small victory of only needing to shave our knees.

Wrestle your friends—but, like, only when you’re drunk and bored and when it just makes sense to do so in the moment.

Drink your coffee out of your favorite colored mug.

You’ve been at the bar for a while now, and this ~*~Fun Ladies Night Halloween~*~ has fully metamorphosed into a race to get guys dressed up as either Darth Vader or Ken Bone to buy you as many cranberry vodkas as your bladder can handle. You’re starting to feel the burn from fake-smiling at the guy who is currently explaining to you how private equity firms work.

Claire has only worked as an assistant for a couple weeks now, but has already deemed all PR employees as ~*~her people~*~.

Fluffy towels. Free shipping.