A Side-By-Side Comparison Of The Things Men And Women Say To Me In Bars

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Brian: “How old are you? 22? Shit, haha, you sort of look younger. Like, you could be in high school. I think it’s your face.”

Sarah: “How old are you? 22? God, you are so youthful and free. Treasure these moments for the rest of your life.”

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Dan: “Oh, you write? That must be nice. Have you ever heard of Deutsche Bank though?”

Liz: “You write? Fantastic. What’s your last name? I’m going to read everything you’ve ever published right now in line for the bathroom.”

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Chris: “Uh, so did your hot friend leave? Can I buy you a drink instead?”

Emily: “Your boobs look great, your smile is phenomenal. I’m buying you a drink.”

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Jack: “Oh, FUCK. Is Kings of Leon really playing right now? Greatest band of all time. ‘Sex On Fire’? Classic. Sorry, what were you just talking about?”

Nicole: “I’m going to gently stroke your hair as you tell me every single thing that has ever happened to you, I hope that’s ok.”

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Kevin: “You sort of remind me of my ex. She was a bitch, but I think she might’ve been The One. I probably will never love again. Hey, can I get your number?”

Amy: “This might be weird for me to say, but I think we’re soul mates. Are you also a Virgo? What’s your number?”

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Derek: *Doesn’t say anything, just sort of abruptly pushes body onto mine and spills beer onto my shoes.*

Olivia: “Wanna dance?” *Extends hand, spins me around, keeps appropriate distance, does not pour drink on my shoes because she gets it.*

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Jeff: “I love blondes. Actually, are you blonde? Your hair is pretty dark. Whatever, girls with dark hair can be fun too. Sometimes. Eh. I do prefer blondes though.”

Maggie: “Your hair looks like it was spun from gold. I would literally slaughter my family for that color. Is it natural?”

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Paul: “What are you doing after this? Do you wanna sit on my fire escape and watch me smoke weed?”

Natalie: “What are you doing after this? How are you getting home? Do you want pizza? Are all of your friends here? Do you feel happy and fulfilled? Can I call you a cab?” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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