Hello there, generic internet audience. It is I, a generic 20-something writer living in New York City, here to bestow upon you some generic advice about love and dating and relationships (sup Jake, are you still checking in on me?).
I still check his social media!!! Even though we don’t talk!!! I still get butterflies when there’s something new!!! What the FUCK!!!
There is nothing men fear more than the hot girl’s friend coming over to join the conversation. It is the universal code for Game Over.
It’s so important you bring the essentials! Like makeup remover wipes and a strong sense of biting resentment!
The warmth and satisfaction that comes from finishing a serious, emotionally-draining, and vulnerable conversation—especially late at night and especially if not pre-planned.
CHEESE FRIES: “Insanely good” and “cheap” but “offset” by the fact that you will “inevitably” throw it all up in “less than an hour wait.”
But, like, should I start one?!?
It’s funny to read in my diaries how some of my worst moments happened in LA, but nostalgia makes me think it’s ok to go back. I said this to someone recently and they thought that “funny” was a weird way of describing it.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out to me! However, I honest to god cannot text you back right now because I went to a work happy hour and made small talk for three hours, so I’m done socializing for today.
A newly discovered source of contentment for me has been drinking my coffee on the floor of my living room in my underwear. Sitting alone on the floor is like peeling off another protective layer. I don’t have to be a real person.