1. He goes out of his way to spend time with you. Do you want that though? You’ve been panicking a lot and screaming into various voids and Twitter is just a dumpster fire of information and anger and every morning you dread looking at the internet, so are you even sure you want someone, like, on top of you during this time? You need to breathe. Shouldn’t he also be panicking? Who did he vote for?
2. He takes extra effort to text you back promptly. But you can barely look at your phone without wanting to set your hair on fire because your CNN notifications are mixed in with his cute, emoji-filled messages. So in-between “hehe how is work?” is “BREAKING NEWS: EVERYTHING WORSE THAN IT WAS FIVE MINUTES AGO, THE WORLD IS CANCELED.” Seriously, who did he vote for? Why can’t you remember?
3. He plans all of your dates. Remember when you could go on dates without wondering who your boyfriend voted for in the most recent election? Remember when you could leave your phone on silent without wondering whether you’re missing out on a major world catastrophe? Does anyone else feel like crying all the time? When was the last time you slept?
4. He asks to meet your friends and family. Have you ever considered whether you’re more fight or flight? What is he? He’d punch a Nazi, right? Does anything else matter?
5. He still flirts with you, no matter how long you’ve been together. The flirting thing used to be really cute, but now you just want to be sure he definitely didn’t vote for Trump. Didn’t he once make a comment about Hillary’s emails? What are his thoughts on Confederate statues? There’s something about Guam??? What the fuck, why can’t you answer these?
6. He makes you feel like you are a major part of his life. That’s nice—but the world is spiraling out of control. Are dating articles even relevant? Do people read things for fun anymore? Do people feel anything other than anger and panic these days? Is Mercury in retrograde? Does love even mean anything? Is this eclipse going to blind you?