January Nelson

CANCER: You get mushy and try to cuddle — or at least hold hands.

I’m really critical about every single mistake I make. I could think about something for weeks and previously years/months. I used to shut down at little things, but I’ve been growing and I’ve been teaching myself that mistakes are something to learn from.

Ejaculating blood happens to most people at least once in their lives and in 99% of cases it resolves without taking any action within a week. It doesn’t even warrant a doctor visit.

How much porn do you watch?

You should stop chasing him when you start crying over him. 

I don’t believe in ghosts. However I have a hard time explaining how a metal folding chair that was set up folded itself up in the basement behind me while I was watching TV as a child. I fucking flew up the stairs.

Jack has been portrayed as the sexy, animal loving, Jason Momoa doppelganger — but in reality, he has said some unforgivable things. 

My intense fear of strangers is the reason why I splurged on one of those fancy, fifty dollar doorbell cameras. That way, when someone stood on my porch, I could see whether they were a threat to me.

Ouchi managed to say, ‘I can’t take it anymore… I am not a guinea pig.’ However, the doctors kept treating him and taking measures to keep him alive, which only ensured a very slow and very painful death.

Play hard to get. No thanks. If you’re gonna ghost me for days at a time and then get pissed off when I don’t respond in .5 seconds then that’s not my problem.

I am old enough to remember how things really were, but my sister and brother believe the rewritten version.

VIRGO: You won’t accept help from anyone — or even admit you need help in the first place. 

Ursula: I won’t stop until I make you lose your voice.

You’re going to post political statuses about the crumbling state of our country. 

Wear your best underwear to work.

SCORPIO – Watching too much television, making too much of a mess, expecting to be mothered. 

I’m fun to fuck — but not to fuck over. 

You care too much about being the best partner, being the best worker, being the best human.