Holly Riordan

Get tickets for a concert, so you can hear the band play “your song” live.

In a few years, our roles will be reversed. I won’t even remember the eye color of the boy who broke my heart, and you’ll be wondering what happened to the girl that actually gave a shit about you.

Flirty: His compliments come more from his eyes than his lips. It doesn’t matter if he says something as subtle as, “You look nice today.” You know how much he means it by the slow way his eyes scan over your body before he speaks.

Handcuff your partner, push them onto their knees, and order them to use their tongue to make you orgasm. Make sure you explain that the cuffs won’t be coming off until you get off.

Share your french fries, even if you only ordered the small size.

She says, “I’m going to the bathroom.” But she really means, “Pause the television, but only if we’re watching one of my movies. If we’re watching a movie you picked, then just let it keep playing. I really don’t mind missing half of it.”

Do more of what you love. If you’re obsessed with a certain band, go to a concert and chat with strangers in the crowd. If you’re crazy about sports, go to a baseball game and talk to whoever ends up sitting next to you.

It proceeded to change size, shape, and color several more times right in front of me (doberman, bloodhound, tan mastiff, then finally a yellow lab) before running off into the dark.

Taurus: You shouldn’t get too upset about not getting a text back. The only reason your crush is taking forever to answer is because you took forever to answer them. It’s an eye for an eye situation.

You try to embarrass each other in public by slapping each other’s asses or by having fake arguments in front of strangers.

Even if your partner swears that they’re fine, you know when they’re pissed off at you by the way that they’re fidgeting and by the fake smile they’re wearing.

Sit on his lap when you’re out in public together. He’ll want you, but he won’t be able to have you, which will make him extra hard.

My best friend killed herself the day before her date, not wanting fate to control her life. The bullet didn’t hit the spot she wanted and it took her hours to bleed out. One day blended into the next and by the time her cheeks went cold, the date on her death certificate was the same as the date on her arm. But now it was my turn. My turn to either have the best, the worst, or the last day of my life.

“One of the hotels I work at was changing their room layouts, and when they moved a bed they found a red pentagram painted (I hope) on the carpet beneath it. “

I want to live with you, so we won’t feel the need to fill every moment with adventure to make sure we don’t waste what little time we have. So we can just lounge around and read on opposite ends of the couch without saying a word. So we can spend the entire day in bed, alternating between snoring and screwing.

You’re the type of person who would buy your partner soup and sing them silly little lullabies when they’re sick. You’re the type of person who would sit side-by-side with them on the couch, reading a book while they watched their favorite TV show. Doesn’t that make you a total catch?

Imagine you’re in a heated argument with someone sexy, and then they suddenly push you up against the wall and slide a hand up your skirt.

We’ll tell you we love you by letting you choose the movie on date night and by giving you the last bite of our ice cream. We’ll tell you we love you by doing the dishes when it’s your turn and by spending hours searching for your birthday gift. We’ll tell you we love you in a secret language we pray you understand.