“Nurse here. Retired after 27 years on the job. The number of American 20-somethings that don’t know if they’re circumcised or not is surprisingly high.”
This is almost exactly as awful as you’re thinking it might be.
“A guy told me once that I was ’80’s hot.’ That definitely put some pep in my step since I love the ’80s and I’m very sad that I missed them.”
“There’s a lady…. she killed the kids…. they have to stay in the woods now.”
“Swans are pure devil spawn. They want to kill anything that moves near them. Sweet harmless baby ducks born on the pond? Initiate murder instinct. Man who feeds me and cleans my awful poop everyday? Start up the murder protocol.”
I once talked a dude I had never met out of suicide via a phone call. After what happened next, I regret it.
Maybe you know somebody like this. I know I do.
“I could feel my knees buckling like I was on a trampoline as it happened…It feels like your imminently about to die.”
“We must release…the Biden!”
“Get called for an unconscious drunk at a bar. Get her out to the ambulance, she shouts ‘I’M HAVING A SEIZURE’ and starts waving her arms around. I tell her ‘people who have seizures generally don’t announce it first.’ Her response? ‘You’re being very judgmental, I was getting ready in case I had a seizure.'”