My girlfriend since high school (we were in college at the time) made out with a guy in Mexico. The next day she called me long distance crying and told me everything. She got drunk, they were dancing at a club and she made a stupid mistake. At the time, we broke up. I was so angry I just broke up with her on the spot. I was in a parking lot in Nashville with a long distance calling card breaking up with my girlfriend.
It took a little bit for me to realize (strangely) what an awesome person she was for confessing. I later learned that all of her friends there tried to talk her out of calling me and confessing, but she called me anyway. We had been dating for 3 years at the time so it hurt.
After college I moved to Chile for 4 years, we kept in touch. I moved back to the US because I had a shot at getting back together with her. We’ve been married for over a year now and have a 8 month old daughter, she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me
My story is kinda unique. I believe that someone who cheats might always be that way, but there are exceptions. Also, If someone is cheating on their SO to be with you, then get ready to be cheated on later on down the road.
Over. I really did forgive her, but she had so much internal guilt over it she couldn’t be happy around me. She hated herself. So after 4 months of that, she just moved out one day. The whole idea of that relationship was a mindfuck.
She just cheated on me more, then remained my “friend” after leaving me and my son for my best friend. Then she cheated on him a few times. They are still together. I guess we’re more alike than we thought.
She just recently “friend dumped” me because I asked her if she wanted to visit her son on Tuesday.
She doesn’t know I’ve been keeping records for months building a solid case for a hefty lawsuit.
First time she cheated on me and I caught her, she cried and begged and I didn’t break up with her, took a while to trust her again…
Moved to Korea together from South Africa, lived here for two years. She went to visit her sister who was also in Korea and I had to stay behind and work. Months later I get home and she is on the bed crying saying she can’t lie anymore, she cheated on me while she was visiting her sister, she feels terrible, please forgive her. I do.
We finish working in Korea, she wants to travel Central and South America before moving back to South Africa to study some more. We spend a year backpacking from Northern Mexico to the Southern tip of South America…
We get back to South Africa, I struggle to find work because there is no work in South Africa, I freelance as an environmental impact assessment contractor. Work is not steady. I end up having to go to very remote parts of the country to try to keep making some money in between the periods of no work. I get back from the middle of nowhere, I walk into the door, she says we need to talk, she asks me to leave and go to my parents. I am shattered, we were meant to be forever.
I go to my folks, we break up officially about a week later. I spend six months living with my parents in a terrible state of depression. I guest lecture at universities but am drinking a lot and don’t care. I decide to move back to Korea. Dad and Mum agree that it is a good idea. I move back.
I still speak with her a bit, she then says we shouldn’t be friends on Facebook and we need to take time not talking to each other. I agree…
She e-mails me a few months later, says she feels guilty and doesn’t want to lie anymore, she had been dating one of my “best friends” since I basically walked out the door to go home to my folks… I say “all I ever wanted was for you to be happy and if it couldn’t be with me I hope you can be with him.”
Never speak to her again.
I’ve been back in Korea for three years now, got married just over six months ago. I am so thankful for the six months I got to spend with my Mum and Dad. My Dad died three months ago and my Mum said that those six months really made my Dad happy to know me as a grown man and not a boy anymore.
She tries to contact me, she and my “best friend” have broken up. I never reply.
Over. We were fucking miserable for another 3 months then it ended. We’re now sort of friends when we can be bothered. He tried to cheat on me with his ex, but she turned him down. I found out when I found texts from her basically telling him he needed to sort himself out and stop dicking me around. I never met his ex but if there’s some sort of general sisterhood solidarity type award she fucking deserves it.
She cheated on me two more times and left me.
Had another failed marriage after me and, according to mutual friends, is now married to the guy I caught her cheating with about 20 years ago.
Non-existent, for the best.
I forgave him after I found out about the first time he cheated on me. He was drunk at a New Years party, and he told me he kissed another girl. So I went, oh okay, its not a big deal. You just kissed a girl at midnight. Whatever.
From then on I always had a suspicion that he was cheating on me with other people, but just didn’t have the proof. So I tried to convince myself, oh its just from that stupid incident that happened years ago.
Then cut to 3 years later I find out about the 30 other women he cheated on me with(all different degrees).
She cheated on me with one of my best friends. I actually figured it out rather quickly. I gave her a second chance, even paid for couples counseling and tried to open up the lines of communication.
In the end, though, turns out that she never stopped seeing him, and I broke things off after she tried to convince me that it was a polyamorous relationship and I was being “polyphobic.” She still sees nothing wrong with what she did and I haven’t talked to her since.
We were together for 2 years.
Cheated on me again! Lied to me about why she wanted a divorce.. Left me for some older washed up dude at her work. Needless to say I found myself in a much better position and feel like I woke up from a crazy fuckin’ dream all these years.
I wanted to work it out, but I just never got it right in my mind, and turned into a jealous douche. It was awful, and she left. Thank god because I was just stupid back then. No regrets because I am in a good place now, but I would never do that again. It never goes away.
I am no longer with her. But I did try to give her another chance.
It just doesn’t work. Once that initial trust has been broken, it’s impossible to keep your mind from wandering and thinking she’s out sucking some other dude’s dick whenever you haven’t heard from her in awhile.
It’s been almost a year since I found out my husband cheated on me. He’s been so present and open with me since. He’s tried to do everything he can to make our relationship better and to help me trust him again. Every time I try, it just feels like there is a physical block in my chest stopping me from re-connecting. Self-protection, I guess.
He took a year off drinking and is now able to have a night where he has a couple drinks and it doesn’t escalate to getting black out drunk (like he was when he did shady shit).
He worked his ass off to be a better person in general. It wasn’t just for me-it was for him and his future (which I think made the biggest difference). We worked intensely on our communication (I grew up very emotionally closed and we didn’t communicate well at all as a result).
6 years later we are 1000 times happier than we were before he cheated. It brought us closer.
That being said- I was typically the one to say cheating is a 100% deal breaker. I understand my experience is unique to this situation and not everyone has such results.
Our relationship is great now. Its been over 4 years since the cheating, and what I think really made it work was me getting my own apartment in a shitty unit and him seeing it (when about half my stuff was moved in) it really hit him hard that this was where we were. He said he absolutely did not want his gf and son living in an apartment. He wanted better for us and vowed to change 100% and he did. Overall we have been together 13 years and have been engaged for the past few years, no big rush on getting married, we are just happy with the way things are now. I trust him 100% and he trusts me as well. I let him go out lots where my friends cant understand that, I tell them that if he wants to cheat he will find a way, and I trust that he wont. Im not into leashing anyone, if they want to risk it, they know the consequences. But yes have come a long way.
I’ve always been the break it off as soon as that shit happens guy but I gave her another chance because of how genuinely heartbroken she seemed that she did it. She came to me and admitted it and completely broke down, I almost walked away right then but I didn’t. She is a 100% different person now, and I trust her more than any other person in my life, literally never crosses my mind anymore but it did take a long time to earn back the trust. Been about 5 years since then and we couldn’t be happier.
16. I Regret Giving Her A Second Chance
Been around 7 years and it is still REALLY hard for me to trust her despite everything being great for 7 years. Doesn’t help that she had lied and cheated on numerous occasions and I would imagine that is only what I found out about. I don’t know if I will ever be able to get her a ring. If I could go back, I wouldn’t give her a second chance.
17. I Realized I Still Loved Him
I found out my husband cheated, and then admitted I had also. I wanted a divorce, he didn’t. So I agreed to go to counseling but also went and met with a divorce attorney. I don’t know if it was the greatest or worst divorce attorney but she spoke so hatefully of my husband that it angered me, and it was then I realized I still loved him. I started putting some effort into the counseling, and both of our walls came down. It was hard. But, it’s been 7 years (and we’ve had 2 kids in the past 18 months) and we have the best marriage out of anyone I know. We’re the people other people want their marriage to be like. I trust him completely. We cheated because our relationship was shitty and we weren’t putting any effort into it. Now, it’s wonderful and I wouldn’t do a thing to screw it up.
18. Do Better, Even If That Means Being Single
He told me October 2014 that he had cheated on me around November 2011 with a mutual friend, we had been together a year at that point. They were too drunk to have sex but they wanted to and they shittalked me the entire time, he told me all that. I said I would try to work through it (things were relatively good at that point).
Couldn’t get over that, along with many other things (there were a lot of cool things about this guy but as a boyfriend he was just terrible). I broke up with him at the end of this summer, citing many other reasons (that I had already tried to address), and the cheating. We tried to stay friends.
When I told him I had started seeing somebody (my now BF of like 2 weeks woohoo) like 3 months after we broke up, he said he resented me and said ALL of my reasons were bullshit, the cheating in particular because I was totally ‘flip flopping’ about the cheating thing… “you were okay with it before, and now you’re not? Bullshit, you just said that to make yourself not feel bad about breaking up with me” And then he said he needed to stop talking to me for a while.
Yeah, sorry, I tried to deal with it but I realized… I really don’t have to deal with it, and I don’t owe you that effort. We’re not friends now. That reaction, and looking back now at everything else in our relationship… made me realize he was not the best person to me through those 5 years. He was not as respectful as he, or even I, thought, and while I’m sure he cared about me, looking back he did a lot of shitty things, and he’d even say stuff like “I don’t know why I’m not crazier about you” (which he then pretended to have not said).
Lesson: Don’t stick with someone who’s not great to you. Don’t settle. You can totally do better, even if its by staying single. I was the happiest I’d been in years within a week of breaking up.
I got suspicious after I caught him going through my phone, so a few weeks later I went through his and discovered that he had cheated. I always told myself I would never stay with someone who did that, but we had been together for so long and I loved him so much I thought I could get past it. Every time he would stay out late or be ambiguities with where he was or who he was with I felt suspicious. Every time we would go to the bar and someone would flirt with him I would feel resentful and jealous. I think the worst part about it was knowing that he had been able to lie to me for so long, have sex, tell me he loved me, and looking back knowing that he knew what he had done and still kept that inside him made me realize deep down that I could never trust him again.
We continued dating/ hating each other for a few months and eventually he dumped me. It’s all really for the best because he never really cared about our relationship as much as I did, in my opinion, and I wasn’t strong enough to end what should have ended the moment I found out that his dick was more in control of his actions than his head.
I always say it isn’t the sex that destroys you. It’s the lies. And they start long before the sex, usually. I felt like I was living with an alien who took over the body of someone I loved. He and I were very sexually active and in all sorts of freak ways – he just wanted to the validation of being able to put his dick in someone new.
It’s rough. I try my best to trust him but it’s hard. I don’t have much confidence in myself anymore because he cheated. No matter how much he says I am his girl, I can’t help think that he’ll up and leave.
I feel dead inside. I have trust issues. It sucks.
Nonexistent. She cheated on me with my best friend. I tried to make it work with her for various reasons. But in my heart I believe it was because I physically couldn’t handle losing both simultaneously. I grieved over him. Then I finally broke up with her a few months later and grieved over her. I knew it couldn’t last because I couldn’t trust her, but I didn’t want to be alone. Now I am alone. I’ve heard rumors she and him are together now. I still dream about one or both of them at least once a week. And miss them terribly. It’s been 3 years now.
Toxic. We were engaged when he cheated. We are not now. He’s manipulative and has control over everything I do. For example if I don’t text him back immediately he assumes I’m somewhere I shouldn’t be. If my phone goes off and I’m with him, he asks who it was and what they said. If I try to reason with him for the sake of my privacy he turns it into me hiding things. He’s scared I will cheat on him to get back at him for cheating on me. He won’t take initiative to be a better person and treat me better, but also refuses to see me with someone who will.
It’s a roller coaster every day and I’ve tried so hard to move past what he did and make something work but I can feel myself slipping away. I just want to be myself again. I want to be able to give myself to someone the way I did for him, but for the right person..someone who will respect me and cherish it. Sometimes life just sucks. It gets better, right? Right?!
We both cheated while he was doing a study abroad. We both confessed when he got home. We were both hurt, but not as mad as we would have expected. We started discussing nonmonogamy and eight years later are polyamorous.
There are quite a few comments here from the victims of cheating, I want to offer a cheater’s perspective.
I desperately wanted a second chance and she wouldn’t give it to me. Our time together was the happiest in my whole life and now there’s zero trace of us ever having been together.
Before she and I got together I was a very outgoing hypersexual guy, basically that smooth talking asshole that dudes try to keep an eye on. She gave me a chance anyway, always clear that if I screwed around that would be it.
She caught me making out with another girl. Like she said, that was it.
Nowadays I really just keep to myself. I no longer date online, hit on women in relationships, or try to slip innuendo/suggestive phrasing into each and every interaction with a female. That kind of behavior used to be hardwired in my personality, now those impulses are dead.
The point of this: once a cheater not always a cheater. Cheating is like a car wreck, you might get lucky and walk away, or you might end up paralyzed. My cheating cost me my entire happiness, and it’s still causing me pain.
If there ever comes a time when I feel like I can give being in a relationship another shot you can be goddamn sure I’ll remember these scars when I’m thinking of straying.
And for those of you who are cheated on and want to hurt the other person back? Walk away silently, remove every trace of them ever having been in your life, and find reasons to be even happier than you were before. Indifference hurts much worse than some nasty emails or a busted windshield.
26. I Was A Serial Cheater
Was in a LTR and cheated. I came clean and was forgiven, only to continue cheating. It was the elephant in the room, I cheated often. He knew. It made me pity my SO for putting up with being treated that way and eventually leave him.
Years later, I still feel guilty. I had a hard time being in a relationship again after I left my SO I had cheated on. Now, I’m in a co-habitating long term relationship. I think what I did to my previous SO has made me much more sensitive and open with my current SO. I do not hide anything from him.
The first time was online stuff, pictures/talking. I forgave him… Second time was real, sleeping with another person. An insane person at that, who faked a pregnancy & still tries to contact him.
Our relationship…. never fully recovered. I love him. But do I trust him?..Not really.
Even when things are amazing, it is always there. I will always know that he broke my heart, that he hurt me more than I could have ever imagined. That he broke my trust. It never goes away. And sometimes the worry creeps back up, sometimes the anger. It is hard not to throw it in his face. It is hard to forgive him.
IDK…it feels to me like you broke a glass and even if you glue all the pieces back together, it will never look the same. There are still cracks and it is never going to be as strong as it once was.
Walked in on him towards the end of a sex session with his ex in December of 2011. Ah, I can still smell the subtle scents of vodka and pussy. Being the naive, crazy-in-love fool that I was, I gave him another chance. He was my first, and it was perhaps because of this that I thought our connection was karmic–I felt like I knew him in a past lifetime, and surely that feeling doesn’t come by often, so of course I have to salvage this, right???
He couldn’t let go of her though, as I found out after everything happened. In May 2012, he skipped out on a trip with me to stay home (we were both living in our college town, and he decided to go to EDC and then go back to his hometown instead of meeting me back at our town), and I found out later it’s because he was spending time with her. But at the time, I make the trip alone and we spend my entire trip just talking on the phone and texting as he apologizes and airs his “woe is me” grievances to me about how he’s “so scared of how much he loves me, he’s afraid to get hurt.” I still couldn’t let go of him despite the transparency of his BS, because I was just that weak and blind.
July of 2012, we were still together but on the rocks (didn’t know he was seeing/talking to ex at this point. Apart from the December incident I thought communication with his ex was done, although I had suspicions here and there that he was quickly able to cover for). I get an abortion “for both our sake” (his words–but I would have elected for the abortion on my own anyway, I just don’t like that he made it seem like it was his idea/decision first). That was two days before my birthday. A week after the abortion, he breaks up with me, leaving me alone in my emotional distress over the procedure, when I needed him the most (I was pro-life before it happened to me, and having to do something that went against my beliefs made me feel so torn and dissonant. Funny how just one direct experience changes your stances. But I digress).
Found out he moved in with aforementioned ex in the beginning of 2013. Found out from mutual friends that he cheated on her with a co-worker; some people just never change. December of 2013, he tried to act like nothing happened between us, and he texts me saying merry Christmas. At this point, I had actually dated (and broken up with) another guy that I was working to get over. We kind of tried at being friends, meeting up to just hang out (yes, just platonic hanging-out) maybe once a month. During these hangouts, I was very blunt with him and straight-up asked him if he was talking to or cheating on me with his ex on this or that occasion (hence how I found out about the aforementioned after-the-fact revelations that the time I walked in on him wasn’t a one-time thing).
I start dating a wonderful guy in December of 2014, and suddenly, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with my ex anymore. He’s texted me nonsense and memes on random nights, I haven’t responded. It’s gratifying to realize that the guy I thought I would never get over in my entire life is now on the other end, anxious about getting a reply back from me when I couldn’t care less about him. I have yet to respond to any of his messages anymore since March of this year, and I don’t plan on it. Whenever he does contact me, my current SO always knows about it, and we just laugh at how stupid/pathetic he is.
I think I was honestly traumatized by walking in on him with his ex, because I have legitimate panic attacks and flashbacks to the smells and sights of walking in on him, and I still have trust issues with my current SO despite him being wonderful to me (it’s more like I can’t trust myself and my judgment of character: “I thought my ex was so sincere and amazing and he cheated on me multiple times, so why can’t my current sincere and amazing SO?” is my train of thought, if that makes sense). I get surges of hatred for my ex sometimes if something reminds me of him even in the slightest. I go into jittery panics whenever my current SO does or says something that my ex did to cover up his affair (i.e. “Sorry, I was doing homework,” “I have to meet with my group for our project,” and even “I have to work tonight”). I just know how easy it was for my ex to cheat (I was actually ‘helping’ him cheat towards the end, since I somehow became the other woman. I inadvertently found out he was with his ex again, and I found out so unceremoniously that I still couldn’t find it in me to leave. He was just so careless about the way he admitted to seeing her that I thought I was supposed to be okay with it, given how dismissively he said it, like “Oh, yeah, I’m with her.” He was so unapologetic and without remorse, and I was all sorts of stupid and confused. Damn you, 3-years-ago me). It’s made me very jaded and cynical to the point where I think 1) I’m just the kind of girl you cheat on, 2) I can’t trust my own judgment, because if I trusted X and X cheated on me, then if I trust Z, why can’t Z cheat on me? and 3) Even the best of people are susceptible to infidelity (not based on my experience alone, but other situations I’ve heard of).
She cheated again and contracted HIV. I got tested several times over the last 7 years and I’m HIV free, just got married to an amazing woman one month ago yesterday, and the ex is miserable. The first time was with my “best friend” at the time, who she’s married to now. The second time was with a guy who lived at the same apartment complex that we did. She wasn’t aware of his illness and I don’t think he was either.
So, I had a particularly bad experience where my wife and I’s relationship went downhill (I worked massive hours and virtually ignored her) so she went out and had multiple affairs on me. I was unhappy too and had cheated as well (not nearly as bad as what she did, but still).
When I found out what she did, I immediately wanted a divorce, but a friend of mine who had gone through this gave me some very good advice. Wait at least two months before you make a decision. And don’t let anger be the primary cause for your decision. I began the divorce process anyway, but was not going to file immediately.
Now, if your spouse wants to leave you for someone else, it’s a whole different matter entirely. That was not the case for me.
So, we went to counseling, and in the process, laid bare everything that was going on between us and our issues. It was surprisingly freeing. We had not been honest with each other in years, and we had a mountain of issues that led to where we were. I found that while it’s often easy to blame the other spouse for cheating, when often yourself had a lot to do with why they strayed.
So, begrudgingly at first, I (we) worked at it, and we learned our love languages, and tried to make it work. And it’s been 1000% better than before. The reason it has is due to the fact that, before, we never tried to understand each other and show each other the love each needed. After bridging this massive rift, as strange as it sounds, we feel like we’ve gotten over a massive trauma that actually brought us closer.
I also want to give my wife credit, as she worked extremely hard to rebuild my trust and show me how much, how desperately, she wanted to save our marriage. That helped a lot.
It wasn’t easy, and I thought about leaving several times, and some people may not be able to get over it, but I was able to. And I’m glad I did, because we are much stronger than we had been before.
She cried. Said she was sorry. She promised never to do it again. Well, that lasted 2 more years.
It took me years of therapy to get through that. I finally figured it out. It wasn’t me. It was her. She cheated on me. She cheated on the guy before me. And she cheated on the guy before him. She also cheated on the guy after me. It’s not about “not being cut out for monogamy”. She will totally agree to “monogamy” and then lie and scam to get away with cheating. A complete piece of shit as a human being. Ruined my life. Ruined our kids’ life. Ruined her own life. Made everyone in both of our families very unhappy for a while. Not even for a lay: just to stroke her broken fucking ego.
Am I over it? Yeah. Doesn’t mean I am not going to carry bitter memories for the rest of my life. I mean: who the fuck does this shit? Doesn’t their conscience bother them? No shred of common human decency?
Divorced. She cheated super early on in our relationship (still dating, before engagement/marriage), she admitted it later on and we got through it. She never cheated again, but her reason for cheating was ultimately what ended our marriage. In the end we just weren’t compatible, she needed more from me than I was able to give.
There was no fault in the divorce, just that we weren’t the right ones for each other.
Two years ago he slept with someone else. I gave him another chance, he worked on himself, made a lot of positive changes. The past two years have been blissfully comfortable and loving. Found out on Sunday that his “friend” in California is actually a woman he’s been in love with for a long time, and he left me for her on Sunday (let’s also add that he only met her in person for the first time a week ago– they’re internet “friends”). Anyway, the moral of the story is some people never change. Up until Sunday I would have sworn up and down that it could happen, that forgiveness could end in a happy, life-long relationship. Now I have my doubts.
I should make it clear that he went out to visit her two weeks ago after reassuring me endlessly that she was just a friend and she was happily married, but in fact her marriage was failing and he went out there expressly to see for himself if he wanted to leave me for her. So he lied and went behind my back, and it was infidelity.
My wife cheated on me. Bottom line was that forgiveness was easier than starting over. Had one child at the time, refused to break his home. More importantly though was that she regretted it, eliminated the dirtbag from her life, and vowed to make it right. It won’t ever be the same again, but thats ok. We’re happier than ever, another baby on the way.
Done. Gave him another chance after I discovered his affair – I was 10 weeks away from giving birth to our first child. We worked it out which means he refused to go to counseling and belligerently reminded me it was all in the past anytime I tried to talk through the underlying issues. We had a second kid a few years later, he turned out to be special needs, and my husband started another affair not long after that diagnosis. I caught on to this one a lot faster and we lived in hell in the same house for two more years due to financial constraints. It hasn’t been easy since he left but oh goddamn has my life been better. I never realized how much I hated being the person I had to be with him.
Actually, it’s going really well. He had been sexting another girl, and met up with her once. It destroyed us for a while, and I still get twinges of distrust. But, he has proven over and over that it was a one time thing, spurred on by our mutual depression and stressful relationship. He makes sure I am always comfortable with what is going on. If I get kinda suspicious, he will show me his phone any time. I don’t ask to, or even accept his offer to look anymore. We love each other very much, and I would say our relationship is very healthy. If anything, it helped us. We both learned to work on ourselves. We communicate better. We give each other 100%.
Associate private investigator. They almost always cheat again. Case after case, I would wonder, can’t I show just one person to be innocent. I can’t remember a single person with a history of cheating that I investigated that wasn’t cheating again. Cheaters are people with a narcissistic personality type. They care more about themselves than other people by too significant a margin. One could argue that people that would go as far as to hire a PI already have some idea that there is something going on, but with the number of paranoid people out there you would expect some fraction of the incoming cases to be false positives. “I made a mistake,” bullshit, the only mistake in their mind was getting caught. They will be more careful next time, that’s what makes my job harder.