Crissy Milazzo

Working out releases endorphins. So does crying, probably.

“Cute!”

“Who cares if I’m pretty if I fail my finals?!”

LOL. Us?! Together?! That would be hilaaaaarious! Wow. Is it maybe funny because it’s so true? JK JK JK.

We were having sex and she looked me right in the eyes and said “I want to have your babies.”

Sleep hygiene becomes an actual thing instead of a weird myth you read about once.

And for the love of God, please stop trying to spell the alphabet onto my vagina.

Always being the one to initiate plans but never really caring what the destination is, so everyone ends up yelling at you to “just pick!”

We’ve all done things that fall under the “what happens in that place stays in that place” umbrella. However, that umbrella does not cover the small part that falls outside of it, which is to tell your best friends about it.

Damn, this whole pregnancy thing is going to hurt like a bitch. You push gently against your abdomen. Is that an organ you feel, or a fetus? You know that there is no scientific way you’d be able to feel the pregnancy at this point, but you decide that you can anyway.

Hey! I ran into your disloyal ass friend who told me everything about what you’re doing. It really doesn’t matter if I brought up your new job, cat, step parent, or car accident. What matters here is that I know about the new things in your life.

We tell our friends we’re going to have sex with you. Sorry. Maybe this doesn’t apply to all of you moral angels out there in this online world, but if I’m planning on having sex with a guy, I’m also telling two different group texts of my closest friends that I’m going to do so.

Is this real? Did they really take the six steps necessary to leave that note instead of the one step it would have taken to wipe off the spot? Yes, they did. They always will.