Christopher Hudspeth

Sweatpants.

As annoying as a group text can be at times, it’s one of the easiest ways for ALL of your friends to stay in touch these days.

A stinky man walks into a bar. Unfortunately it isn’t of soap.

People eat lukewarm meals because they had to take the picture, filter it, come up with the hashtags and share it on Instagram before taking a bite.

“Who all is going?” is basically your catchphrase.

“…But, what if…”

Doug was sexually assaulted by Mr. Dink & took drugs to cope.

1. The Telling Her To “Relax” Button

7 meals.

Cacafuego: a temperamental person.

When you’ve got things to get done, you prefer to devise a super detailed plan of attack, which often takes more time than the duty itself to complete.

Contrary to popular belief, “nothing” can actually mean something. Technically the homebody could’ve said “I do have plans” because doing absolutely nothing was in fact their itinerary.

You can’t control love. You can break all of the light bulbs but that won’t stop the sun from rising.

Your short-term plans always take significantly longer than anticipated. Going to nap for 45 minutes? Instead you sleep for five hours and waste the entire day. Skipping today’s workout? Suddenly it’s been six months since you last hit the gym. Taking a semester off? Cut to two years later and you haven’t returned to classes.

1. “K well you seem busy so I’ll let you go.” (If you’ve had less than 10 minutes to respond)

Secretly going through the person you’re dating’s phone, email and other password-protected stuff. If you actually catch yourself trying to ninja hack your love interest’s phone while in your mid-20s, it’s time to part ways or grow up.

“CARELESS WOMEN never appeal to gentlemen. Don’t talk while dancing, for when a man dances he wants to dance.”

1. When requesting vacation days off from work, planning around Fiesta San Antonio takes precedence over any other holidays.