Chelsea Fagan

Sure, they might see a snide comment on Instagram about how no one eats donuts and maintains a thigh gap, but at the end of the day, every cultural object of beauty has their body, and their proportions.

This stuff is gross and people drink it so that passerby will think that they are healthy and fit and trim.

Could someone please answer these?

Your life careened severely off the rails at some unspecified point, and you are not quite sure how you ended up here. Everything is a blur of Keebler cookie crumbs, plus-sized wrap sweaters in aggressive shades of purple, and regret.

Colleagues melt into happy hour buddies, gym acquaintances are good for a smoothie run, and old classmates who now live in the city are always good to grab brunch with and spend a few hours catching up.

Text a girl with the words “hey u up?” No. No, we are not up. No, we are not interested in answering your six-letter text message at 12:37 AM.

The idea of just “eating a little bit of everything, exercising moderation, and focusing on fresh/local ingredients where possible” is just not possible: It has to be dangerous overeating or crash dieting.

Order your food, and non-subtly allude to the fact that there are other people at your apartment, so no one thinks you’re ordering three adult-sized portions of food for yourself.