1. In a moment of emotion, allowing your personal problems to leak onto social media in a very un-personal way. (Everyone cringes at a Facebook status that is clearly intended for one person in particular. No one is fooled by “I guess this is what you get for trusting people.” And yet, we’ve all done it.)
2. Sneezing and trying to play it off like your hand isn’t totally gross now, instead of (wo)manning up and asking for a tissue.
3. Letting your gaze wander to the couple that is having an argument and just kind of staring at them emptily for a while, wondering whether or not you can discreetly record it on your smartphone.
4. Wearing an outfit that you are not 100 percent comfortable in, and constantly tugging at it distractedly and/or gazing longingly at the superior outfits you pass by in store windows.
5. Taking out whatever personal issue you’re having on the cashier/barista/server by being unnecessarily short and demanding with them.
6. Catching yourself in a reflective mirror as you walk down the street and changing your facial expression entirely to Blue Steel while you get a nice, long drink of yourself on the sidewalk. (Side note: I once worked in an office where the front window was incredibly reflective, and all day was like a TV show that just consisted of people staring at themselves and striking poses. And, yes, everyone has a go-to face move they pull when they see themselves.)
7. Absently scowling at happy couples.
8. Sighing loudly when you’re stuck behind an old couple or a pair of old ladies. Like, we all know it’s obnoxious, but let’s have some respect for our elders and their tennis ball walker footie’d trip to the grocery store.
9. Being at the level of drunk where all you want to do is invade people’s personal bubbles, and talk to them really, really closely about how much you love hanging out with them. (This does not count if they are at the exact same level of drunk, in which case, cling away!)
10. Immediately responding to a compliment with an outrageously self-deprecating insult that isn’t even true, instead of just saying thank you.
11. When you see someone you don’t like, vomiting up a passive-aggressive comment about them without even thinking about it, like you’re allergic to their very presence in the room.
12. Talking incessantly about your diet and/or exercise regime.
13. Wearing a style that you clearly don’t like, and don’t feel good in, just because it is currently in fashion. (I’m looking at you, girl who works at my bank and is constantly trying to hide her ombre hair.)
14. Slipping on snow/ice while walking and, instead of laughing it off like a champ, glaring at everyone who saw you like you’re gonna have them taken out by the mob if they tell anyone.
15. While talking to someone you are looking to impress, volunteering personal information about someone else that was clearly supposed to be secret, in the interest of creating a feeling of intimacy. (Yes, they may enjoy hearing someone else’s dirt, but what does that mean about the things that they will tell you?)
16. Not giving up your seat to seniors, pregnant ladies, or people with small children on the metro. Let them sit. They get to be comfortable, you get to look like the sexy hero who took one for the team.