21 Amazing Things You Can Only Do When No One’s Looking

1. Eating fingerfulls of Funfetti frosting out of the can and then flagrantly putting it back into the refrigerator when you’re done.

2. Stalking exes and/or crushes for extended periods of time, across multiple websites, until you have three browser tabs open and are signing up for LinkedIn specifically to check out a hot guy.

3. Interviewing yourself out loud about your upcoming feature film, and how you feel you’ve evolved as an artist.

4. Getting distracted from whatever task you’re trying to complete on the internet and spending half an hour reading the full Wikipedia page on Colonel Sanders, then KFC, then finally settling on “List of fried dough foods,” which is actually a great read if any of you are looking to expand your horizons.

5. Singing songs you like, but not in a rom-com “belting in the shower” way, in a creepily monotone and almost sad way. Like singing “Tik Tok” at a conversational volume while making eggs.

6. Watching television on your bed with all of your limbs sticking out at odd angles, an open bag of chips next to you, and your mouth hanging slightly open. (Note: This is a really rough moment to catch yourself in when the computer screen suddenly goes black at the end of the show.)

7. Taking upwards of 30 selfies before finally settling on one that is remotely salvageable with a filter.

8. Scrolling through the selfie graveyard that is Photobooth/your phone’s pictures, and being overwhelmed with simultaneous disgust and curiosity.

9. Just kind of existing in your slightly damp bath towel for upwards of two hours.

10. “Singing” along all of the lyrics to songs like “Gangnam Style” or “Gasolina,” when you absolutely don’t speak those languages, which mostly amounts to you making vague mouth noises and just trying to end the line at the right time.

11. Buying an ice cream with some kind of chunks in it and proceeding to excavate all the chunks out and then leave the rest of the ice cream in the freezer for the next few months.

12. Occasionally deciding you want some ice cream, but that it needs to have chunks in it to fully enjoy it, so you crumble up a cookie or something similar and sprinkle it on top.

13. Dancing to “Liquid Dreams” by O-Town at full volume.

14. Looking up slang words from songs you don’t understand on Urban Dictionary so you can casually use them in sentences. (“I am very zooted right now! Zooted, indeed!”)

15. Remarking out loud at how hot people are in movies/TV as you watch it. “DAMN, ARMIE HAMMER, SLOW DOWN” is a thing I’ve said with my real vocal cords.

16. Buying portions of food that are for several people at least, and going through all stages of justification with yourself before ultimately eating it all in one sitting.

17. Wearing the same dingy tee shirt with your butt hanging out for days on end.

18. Putting your laptop on top of your toilet so you can watch Netflix from the comfort of your bath.

19. Getting dressed up in workout clothes and then just kind of hanging out in them, which almost feels like you worked out, and probably burned a comparable amount of calories.

20. Experimenting with clothing/makeup options that sort of please the seven-year-old in you, and strutting around your room in front of your mirror wearing it even though you know you could never leave your house like that. (Thigh socks with ballet flats and high-waist shorts are my go-to unacceptable outfit.)

21. Reading angry comment sections while gleefully eating junk food and actually thinking “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – Shutterstock

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

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