Almie Rose

Sometimes you’re merrily skipping through life when you suddenly stumble and trip and that’s when you wonder, “Wait, am I total fuckup?” We all have moments when we trip and fall. Some of us fall harder than others.

Capricorns are very prudent signs.

So you’re dating an Aries (born March 21 – April 19) — it’s business time.

Geminis are, in a way, easy to date, because you can just let them do all the talking.

You know when David Bowie sings in “Modern Love”, “I know when to go out…know when to stay in…get things done”? He may as well be singing about a Taurus.

When choosing your place for a date, don’t pick anything too expensive; Cancers tend to be thrifty.

The Virgo (born August 23 to September 22), is the most workaholic sign out of all the signs in the zodiac, so don’t be surprised if on your date, your Virgo wants to talk about work, work, and more work.

Actually going on a date with a Pisces is easy, since they like to go with the flow, but communicating with a Pisces on a date can be a little harder.

Libras hate conflict. Nah, I kid, I’m sure you’re the bee’s knees!

Are they aware you’re dating? Hey, I’m just kidding.

The Sagittarius loves to use winky faces while texting. Sagittarians and winky faces go together like Olivia Newton-John and skinny leather pants.

I had to interject here and ask, can you elaborate? What makes a girl “crazy”?

So, you’ve got a new crush. How exciting for you! Now you have someone to text when you’re drunk.

That moment when she reaches the point where if they don’t text back, she believes it is entirely their loss, and moves on with her life.

18. They view In-N-Out as a religion.

Sometimes you just gotta get wild on a Tuesday night.

Sometimes one of the bravest things you can do is go to a party alone. That, and playing dead around a bear. It’s a toss-up.

My local Vons supermarket is one of the worst places in the entire world. But I have to go there because I have to eat, and it’s close.