It’s like if somebody were to ask, “What about the laundry? Do you do the laundry? Does he ever do the laundry? What if he does the laundry in a way you don’t like? What if you come home and find him doing the laundry when you didn’t know he was going to be doing the laundry? Do you fight about laundry? Have you ever thought about stopping doing laundry altogether, like when you have kids?” Um. No.
While a good relationship should cause both parties to make improvements, you can’t date a fixer-upper expecting a Persian Palace at the end of it. People only change if they want to.
1. People who start to say something attention-grabbing but then stop. EXAMPLE: “Oh my God! Did I tell you about what happened with Karen and I the other night?! — Actually, never mind…”
King David had a throng of consorts as he completed the Lord’s work, and you’re foolish if you believe Mufasa was playing the monogamous role whilst Simba was gallivanting in the elephant graveyard. I can assure you his lioness stable was second to none.
There is OCD-Riddled Parental Figure/Full-Time Party Pooper, who will basically spend all of his/her time telling you to turn music down, yelling at you to clean up after yourself, asking that you not invite people over, reminding you that it is a weeknight, and cleaning up around you while making exasperated sighs.
You can meet the love of your life. You can meet them in a bookstore, in a coffee shop, at a party, at a bar, through friends of friends, on the Internet, whatever. The trick to finding this person though is to never resign yourself.
You can strike up a conversation with essentially anyone. Accidentally making eye contact with a stranger isn’t an awful stare-down that leaves you feeling dried out and steely; they’ll probably just smile at you.
To know evolution is to know the story of life on earth, and to know the scientific story of life is to feel connected to the world as you never have before.
Just to give you an idea how awful of an investment the lottery is, here are a few things you have better odds of than winning it: 1. Odds of dying from parts falling off of an airplane…
A fun thing to do if you’re bored is include Billy Zane’s name in popular songs. “Billy Zane is in my ear and in my eyes” or “Billy Zane is not my lover!” You’re welcome.
I’m like the emotional equivalent of the homeless man leering at breasts in the corner of the bus while swigging from a bottle of whiskey. “Yeah, that’s right, I bet you’re goal-oriented but caring. I bet you’d make a great father. Oh, yeah.”
It is an extremely ‘fun time’ to be a woman. Catalyzed by the instantaneous access to information and social support provided by the modern internet, plus the fact women’s health issues have become a charged pivot point in the American political climate, people are more interested in revolutionizing defined gender roles than ever…
If you can poke a pointy thing through a soft thing a few times in a row (heh), you already know how to use a needle and thread. Watch an instructional video, read a guidebook, find any old lady on the street — learning how couldn’t be easier.
His eleventh studio album, Write Me Back, is due next month (and I mean that’s fantastic because this homage was happening either way; at least now it can happen under the guise of relevance). Now’s a good a time as any to brush up on the eclectic, puzzling, oft-straight-up-questionable catalog of Kelz.
“It’s me,” we think, “if I lived in 60’s Manhattan and had limitless access to workplace booze and bored housewife panties.” But what does your favorite character actually say about you — the real you, living in boring old 2012?
I’m inclined to think it’s a coincidence that in that year, everything I believed, every relationship I held dear, every truth I thought I could rest on, the very filters through which I viewed the world shifted: painfully, awkwardly, awesomely, and so on. But then I observe every other goddamn 25-year-old ever —and hey, look! It happens to everyone.
There were no high expectations in danger of being deflated after seeing Jason Biggs put his dong in a pastry. That day, I became a realist.
It’s just a picture. If roughly half of the pictures on your Facebook are attractive and the other half aren’t, no one’s going to decide you are ugly and useless.