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The 8 Best Lines From Titanic Because I Saw It In 3D

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This past Saturday, I went to an actual movie theater and saw the 15-year anniversary re-release of Titanic in 3D. Sober.

I was in the fourth grade the first time I saw Titanic. (Also sober.) I went with my mom, probably against her better parenting judgement. As a romantic future-writer and young idealist, I absolutely adored the movie — the sweeping nautical landscape and intense love story, the elegant clothing and the tragic ending. It wasn’t all swell though. The dead bodies floating in the water gave me horrible nightmares. (My mom made sure I knew RMS Titanic was a real ship. Oh god.) I also thought sex meant putting a sweaty hand against the window of a car for the next four years, but let’s not dwell on that.

I loved Titanic so much that for my birthday that year, I had my mom get the grocery store to silk-screen a cake with Leonardo DiCaprio’s face. I also had a huge poster for the movie on my wall. (Later to be replaced by a poster of David Duchovny from The X-Files. I know where the truth is, boy. Mmm.)

Re-watching Titanic in 3D, I realized the reason I loved the movie as a kid was because the dialogue sounds like it was written by an emotionally-unhinged 15-year-old girl. It’s kind of the best.

Here are some of my favorite lines I’d forgotten were actually said by characters in Titanic. This is not a joke.

1. “I’d rather be his whore, than your wife.” – Rose to Cal

My personal favorite line from anything ever. I hope I have occasion to use it one day, even if it’s completely out of context.

Dude: “Hey, Gaby. How are you?”
Me (spitting on him): “I’d rather be his whore, than your wife!”
Dude: “…What?”

2. “Draw me like one of your French girls.” – Rose to Jack

Hey, it’s a better proposition than “Sexy, can I?”

3. “Of course! Anyway, we don’t have lice, we’re Americans.” – Jack

All of Jack’s friends in this movie are insane stereotypes. His Italian friend is named Fabrizio and is basically Mario from Super Mario Brothers. His Irish friend is called Tommy Ryan, and is about one whiskey away from punching someone at all times. I get it’s 1912 but wow.

4. “I’ll just wait here.” – Jack

Rose leaves Jack in handcuffs with the water rising to try and find help. Watching this movie as an elementary schooler, I thought Jack and Rose’s dedication to each other was heartbreakingly romantic. At this recent viewing, I just thought they were acting like idiots. You’ve known each other for like, three days and neither of you is particularly adept at rescuing the other one. My heart can’t go on, because it is blackened with cynicism.

5. “You gonna cut her meat for her too there, Cal?” – Molly Brown

Kathy Bates! Feminism!

6. “Something Picasso? He won’t amount to a thing.” – Cal

I love this cliche — when a movie set in the past references something from the future in a cheeky way. This is how the screenwriter shows us that Cal is out of touch. Brilliant writing. Brilliant.

PS: A fun thing to do if you’re bored is include Billy Zane’s name in popular songs. “Billy Zane is in my ear and in my eyes” or “Billy Zane is not my lover!” You’re welcome.

7. “I’m flying, Jack!” – Rose

Come on.

8. “It was the ship of dreams to everyone else. To me, it was a slave ship taking me back to America in chains.” – Rose, voiceover

Whoa, girl. Whoa. You are white and slave ships were a real thing. You can’t just say that. No. No. No. TC mark

image – Amazon

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    • Anonymous

      “i’d rather be his whore than your wife” was actually in twin peaks too.. norma jennings said it to hank regarding big ed.. maybe that’s where the writers of titanic got it from

      • Anonymous

        I KNEW I LOVED IT FOR A REASON.

      • Anonymous

        THE BILLY ZANE CONNECTION.

        • Nika

          who is Billy Zane?

        • Anonymous

          He played Cal in ‘Titanic’ and was also John Jacob Wheeler or whatever his face on ‘Twin Peaks.’

        • http://omgstephlol.tumblr.com Stephanie Georgopulos

          Also plays himself in Zoolander! 

      • http://twitter.com/marisasaystweet MarisaSays

        No way!! That’s an awesome tidbit of knowledge to have picked up today. Thanks. 

    • Nika

      Heh, I thought I was the only one who actually used “draw me like one of your French girls” as a pick-up line.  Amen, sister.

    • Ebailey

      Where did you get a poster of David Duhovny and where can I get one?  

      • Anonymous

        It was my friend Jessica’s! I have no idea! But it was on the ceiling so, yeah.

    • Anonymous

      Umm, there was no such ship as the HMS Titanic.  HMS ships belong to the Royal Navy, RMS Titanic was a Royal Mail Ship.  

      • Anonymous

        Oh man, good catch.

      • Supahhcool

        also HMS stands for High School Musical…

        …what?

        • Guestopolous

          HMS…. stands for something with the abbreviation HSM? Cool story bro. 

        • Supahhcool

          …And I would like to thank dyslexia for this wonderful moment! And Jesus!

    • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

      8. “It was the ship of dreams to everyone else. To me, it was a slave ship taking me back to America in chains.” – Rose, voiceover

      #whitegirlproblems?

    • http://ourbrooklyn.tumblr.com/ ashley

      I could never ever pick just 8 lines from Titanic. 

    • http://zuungols.myminicity.com/ Teresa S.

      “My heart can’t go on, because it is blackened with cynicism.” This is my new catch phrase, thanks!

    • http://twitter.com/heytrisha Trisha Cruz

      Gaby Dunn you are my new favorite Thought Catalog writer

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=849905262 Christine Schioppo

      This.  Is.  FANTASTIC.  But man, there are so many more cliche’d wonderfully cheesy lines.

    • rose georgia

      ‘I also thought sex meant putting a sweaty hand against the window of a car for the next four years, but let’s not dwell on that.’

      Ummm, Gaby. That is what sex is. I think you’re doing it wrong?

    • Catherine

      I totally never realized how hilariously inappropriate the slave ship line was until I recently watched it again in 3-d. My friend and I just looked at  each other in the theater and (she’s black) she sighs, “White people..”

    • rose georgia

      I deliberately laughed in the scene where Jack dies because I was a callous 8 year old. I think I was also trying to save face and make up for the fact that the old couple on the bed and the captain going down with his ship did actually make me cry, and I was watching it on video with my friend and her older siblings and I wanted to seem cool.

      Leo’s spectacularly 90s curtains in that scene do make it very hard to take it seriously now.

      • Anonymous

         Oh my god, the captain should have been the main character! He was so tragic.

    • Ben Empey

      I’m sad that “Put your hands on me, Jack” isn’t on the list.

    • JEReich

      Gaby, as your friend, I am really disappointed that you didn’t bring movie beers to this.  We brought movie beers to BLACK SWAN, for Chrissakes, and there was a little girl sitting two feet away from us.

      Oh and, yeah, awesome article.

      • Anonymous

        Movie beers are kind of my thing, Jame. DON’T FEEL SPECIAL.

    • Guestisthebest

      WHY IS “a woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets” NOT ON THIS LIST?

      • Anonymous

        OH MY GOD. Rightful apology. It should def be on there.

    • maya

      What about “this is why women and machinery don’t mix” by that rich grey moustachio who throughout the movie kept saying “more whiskey?”

    • Anonymous

      Bahahahahahaha the first three paragraphs basically just summed up my childhood and you managed to include basically all of my favorite lines. If I had to include one more though, it would be “This is bad”: It’s right after the ship hits the iceberg and Jack and Rose are walking on the deck eavesdropping on some “official looking people” talking about the ship. Then Jack just turns to Rose and says “this is bad”. Understatement of the century, bro. 

    • dq

      The title of this post is fucked. absolutely fucked

    • BillyZaneisACoolDude

      MEMORANDUM

      the
      brilliance of “I’d rather be his whore, than your wife” was killed for
      me when i heard Peggy Lipton (Norma) say it to Hank in Twin Peaks. I wonder if
      Billy Zane had something to do with stealing it…curiouser and
      curiouser. 

    • http://twitter.com/barkmuckner Mark Buckner

      Titanic is surprisingly unquotable.

    • jess

      #4 and #6 YES

    • anonymous

      #8 YES YES YES 

    • eggophilia

      whoa… I was prepared for standard cynicism or cliche defense, but this article is actually great  :)

    • Michaelwg

      Titanic actually taught me a lot about life.
      “I’ll never let go Jack” and then lets go only to watch his body sink into the briny deep. Moral: don’t trust women, they will drown your ass no matter how much room is on the floating debris.

      • Space mtn

        IT’S A METAPHOR A METAPHOR .  jesus 

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