Stephanie Georgopulos

Why not begin running, learn to get away, and fast. Or you could read a few novels, is there a more efficient way to stack your life with characters who will eventually leave?

Despite all of the glaring similarities, a hair salon is not a used car lot.

It’s funny, because I used to be one of you; all sweaty-palmed and dinner-dated and loved. I was there, where you are, passing holidays at my parents’ house in the bathroom, tapping out Morse code I wishes and I misses to whomever I was sharing a bed and a heart with that year.

If the members play their own instruments, are they exempt from boy band status? What about R&B groups? Is perfectly coiffed hair a requisite? It’s confusing.

Take time to revisit the places that made you who you are: the apartment you grew up in, your middle school, your hometown. These places may or may not be here forever; you definitely won’t be.

A Tuesday kind of love is this: commuting to work knowing that someone cares about what you’re going to have for lunch; understanding that you do not have to be your dynamic, charming, weekend self this time; this time you can butcher sentences and make bad jokes and trip over thin air and it won’t change anything.

This person can explain electricity, the Pythagorean theorem, and why leap year exists, but the one question to which they have no answer is why they’re single. And they want to know why, goddammit.

His eleventh studio album, Write Me Back, is due next month (and I mean that’s fantastic because this homage was happening either way; at least now it can happen under the guise of relevance). Now’s a good a time as any to brush up on the eclectic, puzzling, oft-straight-up-questionable catalog of Kelz.

Wouldn’t it be totally annoying to have a conversation with someone who would rather bellyache for hours than devote the same amount of time to addressing these issues? Yeah. That annoying person is you, gurl. Not a good look.

Before Teen Mom, before My Super Sweet 16, there was Engaged and Underage: the perfect program to watch with your parents when you needed to convince them that cutting school and sneaking cigarettes wasn’t the worst thing you could do at 15.

Show it by taking action, by picking up the phone and calling someone when texting or e-mailing or ignoring them altogether is easiest. Call your friend when you hear of a promotion, a breakup, a cross-country move and forgive them when months replace weeks and your phone remains silent.

You will not call him ‘snooks’ or ‘snuggles’ or ‘scruffs’ or ‘stinky,’ you will not call him ‘bear’ or ‘boo’ because these names belonged to his predecessor, these names belonged to someone old, someone borrowed. You will have new names now, because you don’t name something new after something dead.