Men can be fat. Men can be Seth Rogen while women always have to be Katherine Heigl. Whaaaaat? I don’t get it! It’s not just in the movies either. I see a ton of real-life Knocked Up couples walking the streets and get a little sad.
Truth be told, the breakup was your fault. You’re the one who impulsively broke it off; you’re the one who had a case of cold feet/commitment issues/other “plans” for your life that didn’t include them. But now you’re regretting the moves you made and genuinely want your ex back.
Before facing other humans, you need to get your Encyclopedia Brown on. It may be difficult to avoid humans if there’s one in your bed, but look past their naked limbs and consider them your first clue. Friend? Foe? Stranger?
Recently realized certain aspects of what he thought was his identity were actually just uncontrollable delusions lacking any concrete behavior as evidence of their truth and significance.
The recent recession has done a great job of disguising the deadbeats — making them at first glance indistinguishable from the ambitious, driven young men merely fighting off the symptoms of economic collapse – and so the women who haven’t given up altogether often won’t know what kind of guy they’ve got until they’ve wrinkled their ‘first date dress’ and wasted a night.
You learn the procedures, you become familiar with how the different coffee tastes and what it mixes well with. It’s not some magical set of spells and incantations that you learn over high-moon ceremonies as you sacrifice a chicken with your shift manager–it’s making god damn espresso.
I have lived in Los Angeles for over 12 years now, and one of the things that has made it a pleasant experience is finding ways to avoid driving, especially during rush hour. While I’ve used public transportation in L.A. off and on throughout the years, for the last six months, I’ve been regularly taking the bus to work — which makes me an aberration amongst my friends in this city…
Your boss could be a fat eyesore and you might still want to sleep with them sometimes. Think of Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock. Dude is seriously old and portly but there’s something so sexy about him. What could it be? Oh right, a little thing called power, which makes the sex world go ’round.
Maybe our generation should be called Generation :-) instead of Generation Y or whatever they’re calling us. Now, conveniently, you don’t have to put your complicated thoughts and sentiments into words. You can just use a smiley.
I’m sorry, but no amount of love, no Leo and Kate or Jim and Pam or Carrie and Big love, could ever justify the unimaginable bullshit that is eating dinner on the same side of a cramped table.
I always hear people talking about how much they hate using public restrooms, but these people are obviously only using the facilities to empty their bladders/colons. Here are five other activities you can do in a public restroom to make them more exciting and interesting for everyone involved.
Get accepted into a “competitive” fellowship or internship or entry level lobbying position, whatever. Think this is it: it’s only a matter of time before you are saving the world (or securing a “real” job). Look on Craigslist for an apartment…see the price of a one bedroom condo by the Capitol is $2700.00. Silently squeal to yourself.
Screw you, HBC, for making me feel that way. Screw you for making me irrational, hairless, enraged and depressed. Screw you for making me bleed like a stuck pig and curl into a fetal position from such exquisite pain. Screw you for messing with my beautiful skin.
While they have common characteristics—a lone, often single humanoid in the company of a couple (and sometimes a really super cute, tiny little puppy the couple just added to the fold) with whom they are not sexually or romantically involved—third wheels come in many shapes and sizes, and often serve quite a functional purpose for said couple.
You can be close with women in an intense and amazing way. Half of the reason why women are so guarded with men is because they constantly feel like they’re trying to get into their pants. Since sex isn’t a possibility, you can enjoy a rich beautiful friendship between the genders!
Not only were the external stimuli I was exposed to promoting an “ideal” body image, they were also promoting a sense that unless I fit that particular ideal, I should be morbidly dissatisfied. And I was; for no particular reason other than I felt some sort of social pressure to find ways to hate myself, which, needless to say, is absolutely ridiculous.
Hearing snippets of anecdotes about beer-bonging jungle juice or sleeping with two girls in the same night, one unbeknown to the other, confirmed to me that the American Pie-style high school experience did, in fact, exist – just not for me or anyone I knew. There was fun to be had here, I just wasn’t invited to it.
Ladies, we all know men are hard to figure out. They are a constantly shifting puzzle, 10,000 pieces, all sky. Perpetually finding new ways to obfuscate their thoughts and subvert their emotions into complicated interpretive dance–it is left to us to pick up the scraps and rearrange them in a pattern we can understand.