1. That Really Old Dude
It’s really depressing when you see someone twice your age who has a better body than you. The depression will slowly tun into admiration, however, and eventually become horniness. I know we’re all weird about ages and make up silly rules that will hopefully prevent us from having sex with someone who could be our parent, but let’s face it: We’re all curious about going vintage. Even though it’s an embarrassing thing to admit, we want to know what the George Clooney look-alike at the gym is like in bed. This is partially because we’re taught that older men are better in bed because they’ve been doing it longer but it’s also because we’re all secret freaks who wants to experience everything at the sex buffet. Go ahead. Taste something past its expiration date! Just good luck running into them at the gym after you’ve just indulged in a pleasure sesh about them.
2. Your boss
Your boss could be a fat eyesore and you might still want to sleep with them sometimes. Think of Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock. Dude is seriously old and portly but there’s something so sexy about him. What could it be? Oh right, a little thing called power, which makes the sex world go ’round. The whole “boss/employee” sex fantasy has been engrained in us since we started to watch porn. The amount of scenes I’ve watched in which someone is “forced” to have sex with their superior in order to get a raise or keep their job is positively endless. So you see? It’s not your fault that your thinking sexy thoughts about your borderline obese boss. You’ve been brainwashed!
3. Your ex
It’s super taboo to admit that you might fantasize about having sex with your ex, which is BS because everyone does it. It’s a gift from the masturbation gods! You already know what they look like naked and you have plenty of personal experience to draw upon so why wouldn’t you do it? Oh, I remember now. It’s because it feels sort of shameful and sad afterwards, and you also might not feel like you have the right to keep them in your spank bank. Whatever. Try not to feel that way. Consider it as the relationship parting gift. If you’re broken up, you still have the right to keep them in your fantasies during a dry spell.
4. That hot homeless guy
Ok, they don’t actually have to be homeless. But you know how when you see someone so sexyugly on the street that you almost want to sleep with them? You would never actually do it but you can and will go home to have some “Me” time, thinking about a sexy scenario that could occur between the two of you. After you’re done, you’ll be like, “Did I really just fantasize about someone hot who lives in a cardboard RV? What’s wrong with me?”, but you really shouldn’t sweat it. We all think and fantasize about the weirdest stuff and if you’re one of those people who doesn’t, then you clearly aren’t being honest with yourself.
5. Your friend
Do you ever find yourself running out of fantasies so you kind of just think about a really hot friend of yours? It feels so wrong and you’re not even that into it but you just want to take the fantasy for a test drive to see if it runs smoothly? Yeah, I actually hate this. It’s like a total waste of guilt and shame. The fantasy is a letdown and then you have to see them the next day and pretend that you didn’t just fantasize about them the day before. If you know you’re going to feel weird about a fantasy, you might as well make it a damn good one so it’s worth the shame spiral.