Ryan O'Connell

Use our bodies as a chalkboard. In high school, passing the time in class usually meant writing your friends notes and drawing all over their arms with Sharpies. WTF was that about? If a friend tried to draw on my arm today, I’d tell them to back up or else I’m calling the police!!!

You know what will save a truly boring party? Everyone deciding to get the same amount of drunk. I swear to god, that fixes everything. If everyone in the room is like, “Okay, let’s all go that wasted place tonight” then suddenly it will become the best party ever. TRUST ME.

Life is not a game. Life is not a clean narrative and people are real and flawed and you can’t force anything on them or yourself. The second you try to love someone, it’s gone. And if you find yourself in this kind of situation over and over again, maybe it’s time for you to take some time to try to love yourself.

When text messages were invented, passive aggressive people around the world rejoiced and said, “THANK YOU JESUS! There’s now yet another medium I can use where I don’t have to express my true feelings to someone and can make them feel bad in a variety of subtle (and not-so-sublte) ways!”

I was so fixated on having roots, of being tied to somewhere, that I prevented myself from accomplishing the one thing I actually wanted, which was having a home.

People fall out of love with each other for a variety of reasons, many of which often have nothing to do with you. We know our hearts are fickle. We know that what we want today may be different than from what we want tomorrow. Best friends, however, are supposed to be the loophole.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but like I’m 26 and whenever I meet someone who’s 22 or 23—even if I love them—I’m just like, “Go back into the oven because you aren’t done yet.”

Ask a borderline stranger if they’re a top or a bottom. Rude Girl by Rihanna!

I don’t know how or when or why but, all of a sudden, practically every person I met started to annoy me. I could predict what’d they say, all their stories blended together. Instead of being one of the last people at the party, I would be gunning for the door after two hours.

Think about the most disgusting thing you could do to them and then do it. Make out with their armpit. Even if you’re not into armpits, your partner will be so proud of you for doing something so gross that they’ll get aroused.

That AMAZING dinner you cooked last night for yourself that I wasn’t invited to and I had to see Instagram photos of while I was sitting at home and starving.

As it happens, it’s nearly impossible to have a meaningful relationship with someone who has tragically low self-esteem. Rather than it feeling like a relationship between two equals, it will always be two people on different playing fields.

It may seem like a lot of this stuff is not in your control, that you don’t have the power to change it, but you’re often wrong. You do. It would just involve a little bit more work and responsibility, which a lot of people just aren’t ready for.

If you find yourself losing jobs, losing friends, and losing relationships constantly, maybe it’s time to consider the possibility that you could be the problem.

Having completely different schedules. While this might not kill a strong friendship, it definitely has the ability to squash a weaker one. And then you realize just how based on convenience the friendship was in the first place.

Your “cool friend” who you will always feel lesser than. You feel special just being in their presence but the whole friendship is predicated upon the fact that you two will never be on the same playing field.

Creep out of our bedroom late at night to eat our leftovers, the food we swore we would save for lunch the next day, and consume them ravenously over the sink like a wild animal.

You’re not embarrassed of them. This might seem obvious but, I don’t know, it’s kind of normal to feel slightly embarrassed by your friends. True BFF’S, however, should vouch for each other 100%.