15 Things Gay Guys Need To Stop Doing

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Thought Catalog Flickr

1. Going into a gay bar and deciding immediately that you hate everybody there. Then getting upset when no one hits on you.

2. Shaming someone or deeming them unattractive for acting “femme.” Not only is this some deep self-loathing shit, it also feeds into the idea that behaving in a feminine way is, in fact, bad. AKA misogyny!

3. Feeling the pressure to act in a certain accordance of “gayness.” Spoiler: you can never be “too gay” or not “gay enough.”

4. Snapping your fingers and saying something stereotypical like “OKAY, GIRLFRIEND?” to appease your “raised on Will & Grace” friends. Unless, of course, you actually like to snap your fingers and say things like that. In which case, that’s fine!

5. Killing themselves. (Seriously.)

6. Treating their girl friends like shit. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you can call your buddies “sluts” and “whores.” I have seen so many gay men make jabs at their girl friends and I JUST DON’T GET IT. What is going on with all the misogyny among gay men?

7. Hooking up with “straight” guys. They’re the forbidden fruit(cake) of the gay world but I would be wary of them if I were you. Chances are they aren’t ready for this petroleum jelly and will break your heart!

8. Slut-shaming other gay guys. There is no right or wrong way to be gay. If someone wants to have anal sex with a guy they just met, that’s their prerogative. As long as they’re safe, no one is getting hurt… I hope. Similarly, it’s totally okay if having anal sex is a big deal to you and you only want to have it in a relationship. Gay guys spend too much time comparing themselves to other gays. Just do you, babe.

9. Being #NotClearOn lesbians. They aren’t going to bite, you fools!

10. Complaining about wanting a boyfriend but the second you achieve an iota of intimacy with another guy, you bolt.

11. Fetishizing your friendships with straight men.

12. Assuming everyone you meet is gay. Although if you live in SF or NYC, this might be a little true.

13. Ask a borderline stranger if they’re a top or a bottom. Rude Girl by Rihanna!

14. “Straight acting, masc.”

15. Hate other gay guys for no reason. It’s so important to have a great big gay family. Don’t alienate yourself! TC Mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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