A few weeks ago I went to a psychic, she gave me a palm reading. I enjoy going to psychics but I try not to take what they say too seriously, however this time was different – this time the psychic opened my eyes to a question I have tried to answer over and over again but couldn’t really find an answer.
As she was reading my palm she noticed that both my heart line and mind line are long (assuming they exist on my palm)– and according the law of psychics, only a few people have this combination and they are usually the healers or people in the medical field because they need both a scientific mind and a passionate heart to get their job done. She then asked me ‘Do you always attract jerks?’ I had to be honest with her and tell her that this has usually been the case for me.
She told me that the reason is mainly because they think that I can heal them or fix them so they appear in my life, take whatever healing they can get and then disappear when they get what they want. She told me ‘You need to figure out if they are in your life for you or in your life for themselves.’
I have to admit I always tried to help people or fix bad boys or ease someone’s loneliness without really looking out for myself or without thinking that maybe –just maybe– they want to be that way; maybe they don’t want to change, maybe they want to remain bad boys or maybe they like being lonely.
But I always exuded this energy, I always made them feel that I am only here to help without expecting to be loved. It took me by surprise because I never looked at it that way – I still don’t think I’m a healer but I get why some people might take advantage of someone who is clearly trying to fix them and not asking for anything in return.
So the real reason you’re always attracting jerks may be because you’re giving them the vibe that they can come into your life for them not for you. Maybe subconsciously you think you are a healer and treat the guys you like as patients, maybe in a past life you were and you’re projecting that in all your relationships.
But then I took it too far and decided to look at it from an idealistic standpoint instead of beating myself up for my absurdity; what if we were some sort of healers? What if God wants you and me to heal as many people as we could before we meet the one? What if our mission in life was to help some people heal themselves?
Maybe you should embrace the fact that some people are drawn to you because they think you can fix them even when you’re broken. Maybe there is something in the way you love them makes them want to love themselves. Maybe you’re greater thank you think.
All I know for sure is that if all they will remember about you is that you healed them in some way, then you’ve done something wonderful. If all your relationships fizzle out too soon, it’s not the end of the world. Look at it as another case, another patient, another remedy you provided for a broken soul. Even if you really didn’t heal them – you tried. This is how you forgive yourself and this is how you move on.
I’ve always looked for someone to heal me too, I wanted someone to fix my brokenness, I wanted to meet someone who has been healing people too and we can both heal each other – maybe part of me still wants that, but I realized that I don’t need someone to fix me, I think I can fix myself and I don’t need someone to save me either. I need someone to love me whether I’m broken or whole.