I do not lack hope. I believe deeply in hope. Sometimes I just don’t know how to tap into it. Sometimes I don’t know how to let that carry me.
Sometimes I’m not okay. Today is one of those days.
We know God, but how many of us really know Him? How many of us forget to know what we already knew? You following me here?
The point of this isn’t to tell you that self-love is this made up, unobtainable fairytale that you should give up on. No, the point is, is that I don’t want you to look at my Instagram page on a day when you’re struggling and beat yourself up because it seems like my journey is all sunshine and roses.
No one would ever guess you have social anxiety. People with social anxiety never utter a peep, right? So, your 15-minute story definitely eliminates any possibility for you to be anxious. HAH, you wish! Little do those around you know, the constant chatter and jokes coming from you is far from an indication of confidence. More like the result of not being able to contain the disorganized mess that is your racing thoughts.
I fought like hell to recover from anorexia so I could have healthy happy kids someday. But statistics say those who have a relative with anorexia are ten times more likely to have an eating disorder themselves.
You can’t just meet someone and suddenly know that they’re the one. You can’t be that sure of anything. Nothing is certain. Nothing lasts forever. And no one can be trusted. Or so I thought.
After an abundance of therapy sessions, I received a diagnosis: I had an attachment disorder. The three main types of attachment styles are secure, anxious, and avoidant. When someone is left feeling anything other than secure, the other styles can leave you in the midst of a complex and confusing state of being.
Being the baby, and the only girl sibling in the family, made for an interesting dynamic. There is something about the love between older brothers and their baby sister that even the strongest of hate cannot infiltrate.
After the time I spent alone, and the time I spent healing and rebuilding myself—I am left with one belief stronger than everything that’s happened. I believe that despite all odds that say otherwise, that people are inherently good.