I Lost God When I Stopped Looking For Him

faith and finding god
Anthony Tran

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” — Jeremiah 29:13

We know God, but how many of us really know Him? How many of us forget to know what we already knew? You following me here?

Let me explain.

I know that God loves me. I know that He cares for me. I know that He is enough, and because He died for me, I am enough too. I know that what people think of me doesn’t really matter, and only what God thinks does. I know that even when I’m lonely, I am not alone, because He is always with me. I know this. I know it, I know it, I know it. I hear it all the time, and I tell the same message to other people, all the time. I know this like the back of my hand. I could recite to you the truth in my sleep, or blindfolded, or while I’m hopping up and down on one foot.

I know God.

And yet, if you take a look at my life recently, I am not living like a person who knows the truth. Who knows the savior of the world. If everything I just said to you is true, and it is, and I believe it, then why don’t my actions repeat it?

I’ll tell you why.

I know Him. But I don’t really know him. Of course, I know who He is supposed to be. I know who He is to other people. I know that He’s real. And yet, what I didn’t know until right now, is that I don’t truly know what I already knew.

You see, the first part of knowing God is what I’ve been doing, and that is knowing of Him. I speak of Him, but I don’t speak to Him.

Speak to Him. Speak to Him? Why haven’t I been speaking to Him?

When you know of God, it’s so easy to get in the habit of knowing. You think if you recite the truth and preach it, then you couldn’t possibly not believe it, right? Wrong.

And the thing is, it’s not that I don’t believe in His wonder and splendor, because I do. It’s that I have kept enough distance between God and I that I’ve become detached to actually knowing Him, not just knowing of Him.

I lost God when I stopped looking for Him.

It didn’t happen intentionally, or consciously. It’s just that I am SO busy, and life has been SO crazy. I’m trying to manage school, and a social life, and I’ve been trying to go to church on Sundays. I am kind to people, and considerate most of the time. I do what I’m supposed to do.

But here’s the thing. You’re not supposed to do it, if you are doing it because you’re supposed to.

You see, life is more than just going through the motions. If you are just going through the motions, then you aren’t with Christ. And if you aren’t with Christ, you may be living, but you’re not truly alive. And I don’t know about you, but when I think about it that way it becomes very clear that I’ve done a lot of this life without Christ.

I don’t want to just live this life, I want to be alive. I want to be alive, in Christ.

I forgot what I knew, because I never really let myself know it. I kept myself at a distance from the truth, because it’s easier to say I believe than to really let that belief wash over me. Because letting God take control, letting yourself really know, is terrifying. But you know what’s scarier than the truth?

Staying captive by the lies.

God has been here all along. He always will be, too. But he’s not pushy. He won’t force Himself into our hearts. We have to open our hearts. We have to seek Him. We have to seek Him with our whole hearts. And we will find him. We will know him. We will know Him in all the ways that just knowing of Him, never let us truly know.

I would tell you what you already know. I would tell you what I already knew. But what I know now, is something you can only know is true, if you open your heart too.

He is waiting with open arms to embrace you with love, and wash over you with truth and grace. He is ready to show you what it is to really know Him. But you have to be ready too.

And I’ll let you in on a little secret. If you wait until you’re fully ready, you will never know what you already knew. So just do. Take a leap of faith. He will catch you. He will catch you in the way that you always spoke of, but never experienced.

He changed my heart. And he will change yours too. All you must do, is open the door to your heart a tiny crack, and He will do the rest. It may feel like He’s lost. But I promise you, if you go looking for Him, if you really search, you will find Him, and He will be, more than you could have ever prayed to see. TC mark

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