11. She started beating me with a flat hairbrush. When my arms and legs bruised, she would target them for the next bus ride.
“On the school bus, because we were too noisy, in Middle School we were assigned a high-schooler to sit with us. I got Kelly (not her real name). Kelly’s younger sister was my senior by one year, and she had it out for me…more or less because I’m weird.
Kelly started off stuffing me against the window and telling me to be quiet while I was sitting with her. After a few months of realizing I wouldn’t be responsive to verbal threats, she started beating me with a flat hairbrush. When my arms and legs bruised, she would target them for the next bus ride. Then she added slapping me for opening my mouth, breathing too loudly, or when she heard my headphones. My cheeks started to chafe and crack. The response from the people I told was that it was just the dry air and I needed to moisturize, that being slapped a couple of times wouldn’t cause that…but that doesn’t make sense to me. The guidance counselor that I told said that she talked to Kelly and that it was because I was howling like a wolf at the bus stop. That didn’t happen.
When I reported that Kelly was hitting me to the bus driver, the bus driver said she’d talk to Kelly. Kelly’s response was that I’m annoying in a number of different ways. She said I butt into conversations where I’m not invited, I listen to music that makes her afraid of me, etc. The bus driver gave me a lecture in front of the rest of the bus, that annoying people is going to elicit that kind of reaction. In response to my tattling, Kelly started punching and kicking me “below the belt” on a daily basis, and as a kind of greeting. This is where we plateaued in 7th grade. She was going to graduate before I got into high school, and as she approached graduation, she ramped up. In the spring of my 8th grade/Kelly’s senior year, Kelly’s sister and her bus-friends physically restrained me while Kelly and her sister hit me with that fucking flat hair brush—arms, legs, head, and a full-force nut slap—and scratching me and pulling my hair. The driver didn’t care or notice until I screamed, which got me another lecture about being annoying on the bus. When I hit high school, Kelly’s sister would tell her boyfriends that I threatened to beat her up. This came as news to me, usually in the always-machismo environment of the locker room, when the coaches happened to be in their office. Hell of a way to defend herself from facing me.”
12. I have never been so afraid of a woman.
“When I was in my mid-thirties, I dated a woman ten years my junior. I had some sexual abuse growing up, and had difficulty with people touching me, especially when I was asleep. Almost on a daily basis, she would stroke my face while I was asleep, and I would wake up screaming. She would belittle me for it and do her best to dismiss the reasons why I had that issue.
She would get sexually aggressive. She would climb onto me and pin me down (she was a big girl) and kiss me. I would turn my head, and she’d pull it back to continue, and ignore my protests. Even though I wouldn’t want sex, I would do it in order to get her off of me. I would fake my orgasms to get it over with more quickly. She would often ask why I had no ejaculate, and bought the excuse that since I got off every day, I hadn’t had much built up.
I had no alone time when I wasn’t at work. I couldn’t even shower alone. She was with me at every waking moment, and as I said, at me even when I was sleeping. I had tried to break up with her a couple of times, and she would either slap me, or go into another room and have a manic chat with herself that I couldn’t understand. I can still hear the maniacal laughter that would turn to tears, and back again. I would eventually tell her that I was wrong, and that we didn’t have to split. I would be so afraid to sleep those nights.
She eventually had to go back home to visit her parents for the holidays. I told her not to come back. I had to block her on all of my social media, video game accounts, etc. I changed my number. She got a message through to me a couple of times to threaten me to return the items she’d left behind. Things like toothpaste. She told me the brand and size of the toothpaste, and how much was left. The mouthwash. The soap. She threatened to call the police and have them come and get it. She finally left me alone. I held onto that stuff for eight years, afraid to think of what might happen if she came to get it, and I didn’t have it. Finally threw it out last year.
I have never been so afraid of a woman, and I’m glad that’s over with. Thankfully, I am now able to be comfortable with someone touching my face, and little things like that.”
13. She ended up beating the hell out of me and I ended up with a very swollen jaw, deep scratches all around my neck, and a bite mark where she’d broken the skin on my face.
“I started to go out with the ‘girl of my dreams’ when I was just about 17 she was my first girlfriend so I didn’t really have any idea of what a relationship should be at the time. I lost my virginity to her and loved our relationship for the first year and then I’d start to realize how one-sided our relationship was, she didn’t care about whether I was happy or not. Then one day she started to hit and push me, I knew better than to hit her back and continued to take her beatings about once every other month. The most recent time I was on a hike with her and she failed to mention that she took Klonopin and had been drinking that night before meeting up with me. She ended up beating the hell out of me and I ended up with a very swollen jaw, deep scratches all around my neck, and a bite mark where she’d broken the skin on my face. I learned my lesson after that night and haven’t seen her since, but she still somehow managed to convince all of my best friends that I had beaten her up that night, most of my friends had enough knowledge about who I am and how crazy she is they didn’t believe her but I lost my best friend because he took every word she said to him as a truth.”
14. I said ‘no’ and ‘stop’ over and over again.
“I was in the military years ago (since I keep getting PMs, I was in the U.S. Army from ’93 until ’04. This incident by proxy ended my career. I didn’t get chaptered, I just refused to reenlist once my stop-loss lifted since everyone in my chain of command started treating me like a pariah) and while I was deployed my wife cheated on me. I found out and started divorce proceedings. In the mean time, there was no room for me in the barracks and I had to stay in my housing unit with her until a spot opened up.
My soon-to-be ex made the decision for both of us that we were going to stay married no matter how many times I told her it was over and it was only a matter of time until we went to court.
One night I came home from my unit and she insisted we have sex. I told her there was no way in hell that was happening. She then physically made it happen. She literally chased me around our living room pulling my uniform off, piece by piece. She ripped my shirt off my torso.
I didn’t want it. I struggled against it. I said ‘no’ and ‘stop’ over and over again. She practically held me down but I knew if I fought her off she could scream abuse and I’d hang for it. The military does NOT play around when it comes to domestic violence. She knew that and used it to get what she wanted.
Later that night I tried to leave the house once and for all and she physically attacked me. I had to stand there and take it because I knew if I laid a hand on her, I would go to jail and my career would be over. She hit me multiple times and scratched me and drew blood and smashed my nose enough that I had breathing problems for months afterwards.
The MPs (military police) show up and she starts screaming how I attacked her and she had to fight me off. I ask the MPs how that is possible as she doesn’t have a mark on her and I am bleeding everywhere. The MPs are sympathetic.
I get told that despite the evidence, since I’m the male and the soldier, I have to leave the house and they have to take me into custody. I get arrested for domestic violence. She gets arrested as well, but the charge is simply assault.
Later during my interview with the MP’s I told them what she did to force me to have sex, holding me down, ignoring me telling her to stop, etc. The sergeant shook his head and asked me “Did you get an erection?” “Yeah, of course, she kept playing with my dick and sucking on it, I couldn’t stop her.” “Well, you can’t rape the willing.” And that was that.
I still don’t really know how to deal with it.
I have since remarried and one time I told my wife about it and she said almost the same thing. “Guys can’t get raped. Your dick wouldn’t get hard if you didn’t want it.” This is a woman who is A+ in pre-law and who is someone I consider very intelligent. shrug A lot of women (and men) don’t believe you can rape a man.”
15. I now have the involuntary muscle spasm anywhere around my groin if someone is getting intimate with me.
“When I was 7 I went on vacation with my family and some family friends. It was a 3-week vacation, and most nights all the parents went out to big dinner and shows and us kids all stayed at the house with a local babysitter.
Our family friends had two daughters aged 12 and 14 at the time, and once it started, every night the parents took off, those girls would take me to their room and have their way with me, telling me it’s what adults did and we weren’t supposed to talk about it. I just remember feeling so uncomfortable I felt physically ill.
I lost my virginity on the 3rd night. The younger sister on top of me while the older one forced my limp little child’s Johnson with her fingers into her sister…so fucked up.
Never told a soul until I finally sought therapy at 23. I now have the involuntary muscle spasm anywhere around my groin if someone is getting intimate with me, to the point where my abdominals and hip flexors cramp in excruciating pain.
These things really affect people.”