Kat George

12. Go on a long ass drive alone. Play all your favorite songs and coast with one hand out the window as you rip past.

Fear, uncertainty, optimism… again.

Here is an alphabetical list of the best cameos and guest stars on Friends (hint: there’s a lot!), with some you probably completely missed the first time around.

There are so many variables acting against me. For instance, my hand is always coming at that thing from an awkward angle.

It is my sincerest request that men stop behaving like having to wear a condom during sex is their sole cross to bear.

As I sat across from him with my chin in my palm, trying to think of topics of conversation that he might actually be able to partake in, I mentally shook my fist at all the smart men who aren’t interested in dating smart women.

Possessing a vagina, aside from the beautiful things that come with it like wide hips and the ability to multi-task, is an incredible financial burden for the average woman.

Everyone is a grown up now, I thought. We can do grown up things! We can sit around and drink wine and discuss politics!

I’m a chaser. I chase people.

It’s a rookie mistake to stand directly up from any chair not made of an absorbent material during swamp ass season.

Not all female friendships are founded on malicious competitiveness, jealousy and resentment. Some of us actually really care about each other.

I went home that night and cried. “I miss you already” I wrote in a text to her, and I’d barely pressed send when my phone began vibrating, flashing with her name.

Now you’re just sweat and pubes on my sheets and I wish I could freeze you in time so I could get familiar with all your crevices and poke and prod around like you’re my high school science experiment before we go any further with this, but I don’t quite have the technology.

I won’t cuddle you when you come and sit on the edge of the bed, even though all I really want to do is crawl inside you and wear your skin as a coat and your guts as a scarf, because love is gross and creepy like that.

New rule: the second I walk into a dude’s room and he has a mattress on the floor (box springs are acceptable) I’m turning around and walking straight back out.

But as I’ve discovered recently, most women have never seen their pee hole.

Is it your birthday? Are you upset because you’re spending it without your loved ones? Sad that you’re getting older?

Ah, the good old finger bang.