Thought Catalog

Where Is The Pee Hole?

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Where is the pee hole? This is a recurring discussion I’ve been having with many a grown woman of late. And no one seems to know where it is, at least not for sure.

Basically, women have three holes: a butt hole, a vagina hole and a pee hole. We know this much for sure. Although I once had a gay roommate who had never actually seen lady-bits in the flesh, and as such thought we only had two holes. When he told me this I gasped indignantly and said, “So what, you just thought we piss all over our babies?” (Side note: we can totally pee while having sex.)

Now level with me for a second; we’ve all seen our vagina hole, whether out of curiosity (a woman who hasn’t sat spread eagled in front of a mirror treating her body like a science experiment is like a child who, upon discovering a sea anemone in a tide pool, does not put their finger in it), or necessity (think along the lines of “first tampon”), and likewise most of us have seen our butt holes (go back to the spread-eagle-mirror scenario but just think of it backwards). These are easy holes to see; blatant holes, if you will, in that they don’t take much more than a simple spreading of skin to reveal.

But as I’ve discovered recently, most women have never seen their pee hole. It’s not like a dude’s pee hole; that thing is basically staring at you like a cycloptic yet sightless worm, and like the Mona Lisa it’s impossible to escape its vacant, unwavering gaze, especially once it’s excited and waving all about of its own accord.

No, I have never seen my pee hole, and I’ve never even really thought to look for it (until now, that is).

Why haven’t any of us (or at least “any of us” who I know and have spoken to), taken the time to find the pee hole? Undoubtedly the hole we use the most (I think I pee at least 17 times a day, whereas I only poop about four, and on a lucky day I’ll only have sex three to five times), the pee hole, essentially, is a ghost hole. It’s there; we know that much because it squirts out warm yellow liquid from between our legs on a regular basis. But none of us have ever actually seen it for real.

The vast majority of us aren’t stupid; we know vaguely where the pee comes from. But it’s all sort of… swathed in flaps. I assume this is why they give you a cup with such a wide circumference at the rim when you go to the doctor — because when you’re peeing in a cup, placing it is just a process of estimation, because no one really knows where the pee comes from. We just sort of know the approximate area.

This, incidentally, is probably why I always end up peeing on my hands at the doctor’s.

The enigma of the pee hole is a little bodily mystery that I quite like. It’s the Loch Ness Monster of orifices; its legend is pervasive, and we occasionally catch a glimpse, but if you ask around you’ll learn that none can tell you for certain exactly where you can find it. TC Mark

image – Shutterstock

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    • http://teawithdee.blogspot.com Deanna West Piercy

      Unless you happen to be a nurse who has catheterized women. Then you *do* know where it is.

      • Aldo

        ahaha, i was just going to say this. i’m a nurse and being able to clearly visualize said pee hole is (almost) disturbing.

        for the curious, it’s right about the hole of your vagina, swathed in folds :P

        • Xochi

          It’s under the clitoral hood.

    • Fer

      I just love you!

    • Sam

      The fuck did I just read…?

      • minicardi

        this.

      • Ella

        ha hahahahaha, yes.

      • Tiffany

        Exactly. Must be a slow news day.

    • http://isabeaujane.wordpress.com Isabeau Jane

      i cant will off my idiotic grin after reading this..

    • H

      YOU POOP FOUR TIMES A DAY?!?!??

    • A

      Genius. You speak for all the women in the world who still have no idea where the hell the pee hole is.

    • Ella

      If there’s nothing wrong with it, what does it matter? I feel like, it’s too small to see.

      • Denna

        Its not to small to see. Mine is shaped like an upside down v or ^ i guess haha. and its above your vaginal entrance and below the clit. I didnt know it was normal not to know that. I feel like women should know this….

        • Ella

          They’re all different though right? I presume some are larger than others. It’s like vaginas are all different, some lips hang down and others are hidden. it’s not like not knowing where to put a tampon or where your clit is. i doubt that most men would know where theirs was if it wasn’t so obvious and doubled up with the hole they ejaculate from.

        • Xochi

          Vaginas don’t hang down. Vaginas are internal. You’re talking about labias and vulvas.

        • Ella

          Okay Doc! Sorry I didn’t use the medical terms, but I’m not a medical professional. But I think we all know what I was talking about. Yes we know the vagina is inside and the vulva is what we see from the outside but the two are commonly referred to as just the vagina. Apologies.

    • http://thesmartestbitchyouknow.wordpress.com Leeja

      There’s nothing I love better than a great scientific article about ‘pee holes’ or holes in general. Glad to know I’m not the only one who’s confused. But as some wise person once said: “A hole is a hole is a hole.”

    • munteng

      so…what’s the answer all of us females came here for?

      • http://gravatar.com/katgeorge Kat George

        I’m on a mission to see my pee hole… Will report back next week!

      • Xochi

        It’s under your clitoral hood. It’s a nub of flesh that opens up when we urinate.

        • LOL NOPE

          You are so wrong about this, but you seem to think you are so right.

    • Amanda

      This is absolutely hysterical. I have never seen mine either, I have had many a conversation with other women about it and have, on occasion, wondered where it is. Hell, I’ve only known for maybe the past 20 years that there was a third hole. I thought this was so funny that I called my husband and read it to him. He did not seem to find it as funny as I did and proceeded to tell me where it is, all about the urethra and what it looks like. I asked how the hell he knew so much about it and I didn’t and he said sex education class, movies, infomercials, magazines, radio, a guy hears the word “Vagina” they paid very close attention!!

    • Cait

      brb, dying laughing

    • Ellipsis

      … You poop a lot

    • 1wanderingtruthseeker

      I’m like the nurses. I know where my pee hole is. And if you have really good sex, you get a UTI. Any body had to go to the doctor for this? I know I did.

      • Ollie

        You have to pee after sex to remove the bacteria and rehydrate with water.

        • 1wanderingtruthseeker

          ok

      • Katy

        You mean, if you don’t pee after sex, you get a UTI. Bacteria gets pushed up your urethra and causes inflammation your bladder. It’s nothing to do with good sex, just sex.

        • Xochi

          Exactly!

        • 1wanderingtruthseeker

          that’s what my doctor told me about UTI. I guess he was wrong!

    • Ollie

      Your urethra is under your clitoral hood. Makes me wonder if there are women who don’t know where their clitoris is or what it does.

      • joely

        There ARE plenty of women who don’t know where or what their clitoris is, and that’s really sad, but it’s hardly the same as not being able to see a tiny hole that you pee from. As someone else has already pointed out, most men wouldn’t know where their own was if it wasn’t so damn obvious.

    • http://twitter.com/Z_paws Zawkward (@Z_paws)

      Wow. This article just made me very happy!

    • James

      I’ve found the pee-hole with my tongue before. It’s a little depression that tastes a little different.

    • liz

      HAHAHAHA THIS IS THE BEST POST

    • Sam

      this actually needed to be written because no one else would have, hahahaha, so explicitly perfect

    • Hannah L.

      why does does this article exist fuck off

    • http://twitter.com/veebloom vee bloom (@veebloom)

      Seriously, this is a conversation I have had to have with my male friends more than once this summer. They all think women pee out our vaginas and when we pee they say it is “like ripping a plastic bag full of water” Whereas I respond, NO JUST NO!

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    • AM

      Crying. This is amazing

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