Kara Nesvig

Not just any boyfriend, Santa. I want a boyfriend who will drive me 15 miles to a specific grocery store so I can buy my favorite brand of white cheddar popcorn, then not be disgusted when I eat the whole bag in one sitting.

Get used to your hair texture. You really can’t change it, and chances are someone out there is super jealous of it.

I wake up with a hot knife searing my jaw apart.

Wake up, Dorothy. We’re not in junior high anymore.

“I never go outside unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star.”

You brag about Bob Dylan having lived in Dinkytown…

I think Rita Hayworth would pick Viva Glam I if she were alive today; it’s vampy and glamorous.

I hope I’m not a horror story! I’ve never screamed or bled or anything! I hope my vagina is just a faceless, run-of-the-mill normal vagina.