January Nelson

I wish I realized the phrase I’m not ready for a relationship right now is misleading. It doesn’t mean, if you stick around long enough, he’s going to turn around one day and decide to date you.

ARIES – You get a new tattoo, get a new piercing, or dye your hair a different color. You try to change yourself into a different person, one you like better.

Insist on speaking to me on the phone when it could be easily done by text.

You suck at communicating your feelings. 

You cannot take a large one if you’re not totally aroused. Blowjobs were the bane of my life. I used to be an avid giver but now I hate them. You can forget any hope of anal.

Jeffrey Dahmer… towards the end right before he got caught, had so many bodies in his apartment that he ran out of room and stored one victim in his bathtub. He proceeded to shower over him everyday for a month!

You’ve been sleepwalking through your days. You only exist to eat, sleep, and work. 

Your young years should not ever be the best years of your life.

GEMINI: You get extra sentimental. You say I love you a lot. All you want to do is cuddle.

A guy changed his Facebook relationship status from “in a relationship” to “engaged”. When his girlfriend called him to ask about it he responded: “Well, what do you say?”

Going from being talkative and open to suddenly not saying much when the topic shifts to something sex related.

Here are the best podcasts you can watch on YouTube. They star your favorite YouTube personalities (and a few famous comedians).

Leave the house. Pick up pizza instead of having it delivered. Visit your friends in person instead of texting them. Go out and see the world instead of cooping yourself up inside. 

Discussing really important decisions / making these decisions via text messages.

When you’re packing your beach bag, you can’t forget to bring along a book!

Not doing a hair trial. I wound up with some weird Game of Thrones braids inspired mullet thing, and the curls fell out as soon as I left the hotel because it was super humid. I would have opted for something different.

When they want to fight remain calm and agree with them. It frustrates them that they can’t rile you up and ends up showcasing how much of an asshole they really are, and essentially exposes them for being an aggressor/manipulator.

LIBRA: You’re going to meet someone who makes you forget about your ex.