January Nelson

GEMINI: They are terrified you are going to hurt them — or they are going to screw up and hurt you. 

Force/guilt their kids into hugging/kissing/touching people.

ARIES: They will burn all your shit. 

ARIES: You feel broken because no matter how hard you try to take do the right thing, you always end up screwing up somehow.

GEMINI: You send screenshots of your conversation to your friends and ask them to come up with a response for you.

CAPRICORN: You miss having someone you can be your weirdest self around. 

Kids and dogs can go to pubs, cashiers at grocery stores get to sit down, roundabouts everywhere.

She fed my hamster to our cat because I wouldn’t let her name it.

GEMINI: You like pictures of him and his new girlfriend in order to create the illusion you couldn’t care less about him moving on. 

What do you do if you’re getting attacked by a flock of clowns? Go for the juggler.

Cancer: She’s going to start doubting herself and wondering whether she did something wrong, something to make you lose interest in her. 

Is this going to be your month?

It taught you to focus on the steps you’re taking now instead of the road in front of you.

A ghost walks into a bar, the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits.”

See cars driving very slow and very odd in the middle of the night. Like at store parking lots, churches, closed parks. Think they might be casing or whatever its odd enough for a casual contact. Fucking Pokemon Go every time.

ARIES: He’s the ex who hits you up whenever he’s drunk, lonely, or high.

Is the film worth seeing?

Are you good at getting turned down?