Chrissy Stockton

I was childhood friends with a murderer.

I worked at Blockbuster video a few years ago, and I got to tell Al Gore that he owed us 1.50 because he returned “I Love You Man” late.

Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend’s diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.

“Running is my private time, my therapy, my religion.”

I’ve got drinks piling up on my desk and a stack of pills I have even opened yet!

“It’s freeing to be able to experiment with sex without having to be single.”

“I was never a feminist because I was never ugly enough for that.”

Take a personal day from work and actually do as many of these as you can. Instant epic-ness.