Chelsea Fagan

Time to upgrade your whole life, starting by demanding a separate bedroom if you’re going to spend the night. You deserve it.

You hook up with Taco Bell when you’re drunk. It’s one of those things where you don’t even try to make it into a legitimate relationship, because you know there’s never going to be anything of substance there, but you just can’t let it go.

You can always find them out back, bunched over, sucking down a Pall Mall and avoiding the manager.

8. Barefoot Wine: Come Over To My Apartment To Sit On My IKEA Couch And Discuss Being 23

Time to head to brunch! It’s brunch time, of course, because you consume no other regular meal — no breakfast, no lunch. A bowl of cereal or a sad ham sandwich is not what your life is about.

“Oh, my God, I LOVE Lush. Have you tried their bath bombs?” – The mating call of the Grown Woman.

Just having a job of any kind is already a huge victory. It’s easy to get caught up in wanting a “better” job, or one that pays more, or one that sounds cooler, but you can’t lose sight of important it is to have a job at all.

Look, it’s a cold, hard reality, but be honest with yourself about how much their pictures actually interest you.

Being seen as the strange one when you actually make an effort to call people back, text someone goodnight, or generally be available via phone.

Perhaps the only spectacle more intimidating than a group of PR girls at an important industry function is the same group, three hours later, at a club.

This will always be a three-way relationship: You, them, and their mobile device. Accept it and move on.

She’s like your friend who is constantly pushing you to do better, except with alcohol and making out with cute guys in bars.

If you have plans with a friend, and they text you that they are stuck in construction on the Beltway, you can expect to see them sometime mid-next week.

Even if you’ve been of drinking age for several years, you still get that thrill of “Oh, my God, we get to have alcohol in public with the grown-ups” feeling when ordering your bloody marys out at brunch.

You have your whole relationship to let the inner hot mess seep out of your pores like a fine oil, this part is for the beautiful lie.

Forever 21: Searching For Cute Sundresses And Jewelry That Stains Your Skin Amongst The Wreckage

On nights out, she is sexy, but never aggressive about it. She wears the kind of little black dresses that make your miniskirt or low-cut blouse feel at once too much and not enough.

I want to recover over runny eggs and bacon and big stacks of pancakes. We’ll sit in the corner booth, just like we did at the bar, but this time we’ll be drinking coffee and talking about how much fun we had.