The Girl You’re Pretending To Be On Instagram

You wake up in the morning bright and early — just like you do every morning — ready to #getthatworm, making it just in time to catch a filter-free snapshot of that majestic-ass sunrise. Sunrises like this always make you remember how lucky you are, and how today is a blank slate. If you are a religious person, this is where you usually make some hashtag reference to your love of The Lord.

Time to head to brunch! It’s brunch time, of course, because you consume no other regular meal — no breakfast, no lunch. A bowl of cereal or a sad ham sandwich is not what your life is about, you are interested in luxuriating over some benedict, letting the yolk run onto your truffle fries, sipping a mimosa, and possibly wearing sunglasses indoors. If you are currently brunching with your #girls, now is a chance to tag each one of their dishes individually.

Maybe you should get some work in around this time, as the day is starting to wear on and you are truly #blessed to have your #dreamjob, so you wouldn’t want to give off the impression that you aren’t on your grind. This goes double if it’s a weekend afternoon, and you’re “just checking your email real quick” to get your workaholic on. At this juncture, you have two options. You can work outside to soak up the sun:

Or you can do a little office gramming:

Now that your 1.5 hours of work are over (can’t let your #grind take over #livingyourlife), it’s time to get to the other pressing matters of the day. There are a few things you could be doing at this point, but given that you just consumed a 2,000-calorie brunch of french toast, three bloody marys, and a cheese omelette, you should probably do something that nourishes the soul. In your Instagram Life, this consists of two activities. Demonstrating that you are eating healthy food or drinking a green juice, for anyone who might have forgotten that you are #eatingclean:

Or just some good old-fashioned fitspo, which can consist of a toned pair of legs with a bowl of fruit between them, or a filtered shot of your unreasonably cute running shoes:

Phew! That was hard work. It’s time to #treatyoself. You’ve really earned this, what with your ongoing cleanse, your waking up to catch the sun, and your love of working even when you should be relaxing. I think this calls for a manicure!

Of course, you could also just take a picture of your shopping bags, but there is something a little tacky and capitalist about that, no? And the whole idea of #treatingyoself is doing something little that goes a long way, a little indulgence for all of your relentless grinding. The occasional shopping pic is okay, but generally not your style.

What is your style, though, is getting to bed at a reasonable hour because you don’t want to miss out on all of the #life there is to be living tomorrow! Once you’ve made (and photographed) your traditional homecooked meal, it’s time to leave your followers with a little glimpse into your slightly-naughty-but-mostly-adorable home routine. Probs just you, curled up on the couch, with your favorite entertainment and some snacks.

Unless, of course, you’re going all out tonight, in which case, DRAAAAAAAAANKS:

It’s been a big day! But it was so worth it. Because tomorrow is a new chapter, you are ready to rise and #shine, and living a flawless Instagram lie is all in a day’s work! :) TC mark
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Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

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