Chelsea Fagan

You have a “grown-up” personality for things like meeting people’s parents or going on job interviews, and sometimes your voice changes like two whole octaves. You’re like Christian Bale slipping seamlessly into his role as a totally nice, sincere person.

It’s weird, but in that totally addictive, I-can’t-stop-watching-it way.

In the interest of science, we decided to sit down and ask each other a few brutally honest questions (and give some real answers). Here, the results.

1. When you make plans to do something totally un-fun — such as help someone move or drive them to the airport — weeks in advance, and become increasingly panicked as you feel the date approach, and almost kind of…

She rides the train with a book in hand, and no matter how packed it gets, no one is going to get between her and her reading time.

One, it’s likely that they are in their late 20s/early 30s and still paying upwards of 50k a year for the privilege of providing indentured servant labor for a private university.

They are more intimidating than any grunting muscle bro, and I am filled with a terrified respect when I cross their path on my way to sweat it out on the elliptical in my promotional t-shirt.

“I bought these thinking “Oh, how cuuuute” but then never wear them.”

Eating clean (or vegan, or paleo, or gluten-free, or raw) doesn’t make you better than anyone else. We all have to find our way to feed ourselves well, and our food choices should not be a status symbol.

I would get notifications for them, but the tag would generally always be removed by the time I got to it. The first time I actually caught one, it felt like someone had punched me in the gut.

Sure, they might see a snide comment on Instagram about how no one eats donuts and maintains a thigh gap, but at the end of the day, every cultural object of beauty has their body, and their proportions.

This stuff is gross and people drink it so that passerby will think that they are healthy and fit and trim.

Could someone please answer these?

Your life careened severely off the rails at some unspecified point, and you are not quite sure how you ended up here. Everything is a blur of Keebler cookie crumbs, plus-sized wrap sweaters in aggressive shades of purple, and regret.

Colleagues melt into happy hour buddies, gym acquaintances are good for a smoothie run, and old classmates who now live in the city are always good to grab brunch with and spend a few hours catching up.

Text a girl with the words “hey u up?” No. No, we are not up. No, we are not interested in answering your six-letter text message at 12:37 AM.

The idea of just “eating a little bit of everything, exercising moderation, and focusing on fresh/local ingredients where possible” is just not possible: It has to be dangerous overeating or crash dieting.

Order your food, and non-subtly allude to the fact that there are other people at your apartment, so no one thinks you’re ordering three adult-sized portions of food for yourself.