1. When you make plans to do something totally un-fun — such as help someone move or drive them to the airport — weeks in advance, and become increasingly panicked as you feel the date approach, and almost kind of hope you get sick so you have a reason to get out of it.
2. When you make going-out plans with someone and you definitely want to cancel the morning of, but you’re putting off doing it, because you don’t want them to be mad at you. Then you finally send that text like “Hey I’m honestly not feeling very well, can we raincheck?” (even though, let’s be honest, you feel fine), and you all but throw the phone across the room because you don’t want to see their response.
3. When you’re at a restaurant and everyone says they’re ready to order and then someone at your table takes another five minutes looking at the menu while the waiter stands there and you burn inside with the urge to be like ‘THIS PERSON IS NOT MY FRIEND I DON’T ENDORSE THEM’ so the waiter won’t hate you, too.
4. When someone Facebook messages you and you have absolutely no desire to read/respond to it but then you accidentally click on it and curse the ghost of Mark Zuckerberg for making them see that you have read it. (Though sometimes you are truly living the no regrets lifestyle and you STILL don’t respond, even though they know you saw.)
5. When your friend introduces you to another one of their friends and you are forced to socialize with them all night, while inside you kind of feel like a dog who detects another scent on its owner, like “Who is this person and please get them out of my territory.”
6. When you call someone and immediately start panicking with each ring, because you don’t want them to pick up. (And are overcome with relief when you get their voicemail.)
7. When you go the extra asshole mile and let it ring like twice and hang up, so you can be like “I definitely called you, I don’t know what happened!”
8. When you’re hesitating on sending a cancellation text, because you are highly suspicious that the other person is going to back out, and then they send that text like “Hey can we raincheck blah blah” and you’re like YES I KNEW IT HAH, and play it off like you’re kind of disappointed but understanding.
9. When you’re waiting for a call/text from one specific person, and you get irrationally angry at whoever else texts you in the meantime. Even if it’s your mom being like “I love you and miss you!” you’re just like FUCK YOU get out of my phone.
10. When you always message someone first and you can feel on a profound level that they don’t really care about the friendship, so you actively try and stop yourself from reaching out every time you see them online, but then you slip up and hate yourself for the rest of the day.
11. When you’re telling someone a story and halfway through you can tell that it’s going absolutely nowhere, so you start to panic and completely bullshit the latter half of the story to make it more interesting.
12. When your friend is telling you about something really cool/fun they recently did with another friend and inside you’re filled with jealousy because, honestly, WHY NOT ME??? And you make semi-mean comments about their friend without even realizing it because you’re bitter.
13. When you’re in line to order your food/coffee and you don’t know what you want but you don’t want to waste everyone’s time so you enter a mild panic, and end up ordering something you don’t even like just because it pops into your head.
14. When someone asks you what your plans are this weekend and you feel the need to make up anything at all (because right now your plans are being on the internet and eating dry cereal) so you’re like “going… to the park?”
15. When you go out looking like a mess and honestly get mad at people who try to make conversation, like “can’t you see I’m trying to disappear into the background and not have human interaction??” (Note: If you run into someone you know while looking like that, you’ll kind of secretly hate them forever.)
16. When you spend an hour in your room debating on a Friday night if you want to go out and be a fun, active person this weekend or order in pizza and watch a movie, and you know that, no matter which one you choose, you will end up regretting it at least a little bit.