Charlie Shaw

I once told a girl I had a thing for that I wanted to get her boyfriend pregnant. Drunk me thought that this would make her jealous.

At the beginning of the school year I told my physics teacher, who at the time was joking around, that I went by Trevor. He took me seriously and since I’m afraid of confrontation, I spent two weeks learning to respond to ‘Trevor;’ My name is Daniel.

Busy Friday night behind the bar, other bartender walks up to me and says he needs a break. “Now?” I ask. He replies, “Now and forever” and leaves…

The moment you place someone on a pedestal they will look down upon you.

Last year, I went to a job fair at a local college to tell people about the internship at my office. A young lady stops at my table, asks what kind of jobs I have available, and hands me her resume. I look down to skim her resume. When I look back up, she has her thumb in her mouth.

He knocked out his teeth, said he’s the antichrist and asked me to join his harem. I wish I were making that up.

A ghost lives in my laundry room. I was doing laundry one day when the clothesline moved on its own. Also, I was home by myself last week and the ghost kept opening the dryer door and slamming it, all day.

1. All girls look better without makeup.