I have tons of stories from my old job. I worked at a tax office. We would hire extra help during tax season. This one guy didn’t sit right with me, he gave me the creeps. He would take the bathroom key (it was an office complex, with bathrooms outside our office) and be gone for way over an hour. This happened every day.
Well, one evening when I was out of the office, police came in and escorted him out in handcuffs. No one had any idea why, until I was working out the next morning, and saw his mugshot on the news (I almost fell off my elliptical machine). He was arrested for molesting his daughter’s mentally challenged friend (age 14). He would leave work every day to go do that. :(
Guy texted his girlfriend, (one of our coworkers,) to come out and talk to him in the parking lot. She comes out.He shoots her in the face, then shoots himself. That was a rough day..
Had to take my boss to hospital for alcohol poisoning, this was at around 4pm, we had some drinks with lunch
10 US Marshalls in full gear came in at gunpoint and handcuffed one of our salesmen in front of everyone because it turned out he’d been diddling a teenage girl. Saw him get arrested in our break room while a dozen Feds pounced on him.
Once a guy crapped his pants in the warehouse bathroom, then flushed them.
It clogged the entire sewage system. Our maintenance guy had to remove the toilet and pull out the pants from the piping below with his hands.
Also, every day we have a driver who shits in the parking lot. My brother who works on trailers out there has to watch himself because there’s nothing but shit all around them.
I interviewed a woman for a job and she did amazingly in her first interview. Funny, friendly, and knowledgable. We called her back for a second interview with another manager and she did ok, but nowhere near as good as she had on her first interview with me. He said that she was “spacey” during his talk with her. 15 minutes or so after she left the other manager and I were walking out to go to lunch and discussing her. Just as I was saying “I didn’t see her being spacey at all she was… ” I had to stop because there she was, sitting in front of our offices, smoking out in her car. The damn think looked like she had a fog machine going in there.
We made eye contact, she got this panicked look on her face, rolled down the window and yelled over to us, “Don’t worry! It’s okay! I have a medical marijuana card!”
My boss went into the toilet and had a heart attack. He managed to dive out of the stall and make a racket before hitting the floor, so we heard the noise and were able to call 999 (it was the UK, that’s like 911). He ended up with a triple bypass but at least he lived. He was 38.
Some guy flashed his dick and made sexual advances toward some 19-year old receptionist at my last job. Before that happened, he used to take me and the other interns (we were 17 at the time) out to lunch every now and then.
Dude I work with ate a spider once. It was rappelling down from the light fitting and was at about head height. I pointed it out to him and he walked up as if to take a closer look, and ate it.
A guy didn’t go home one night. The next morning his wife was freaking out and people started reviewing the security footage. He hadn’t let the building at all.
The police got involved and his picture ended up all over the news. Still nothing.
Finally, that night, they found his body right next to the building in some thick bushes. He’d either jumped or fallen from the roof. No one will ever know what happened.
Some guy showed up at my office, asked for me by name, and when I came out to meet him he started swinging at me. Luckily he was older and smaller than me so I was able to wrestle him to the ground and hold him until the cops arrived.
It seems that in my previous job, one of the admin folks was sleeping with one of my colleagues. Her husband found out she was hooking up with someone from the office, confronted her demanding to know who, and she told him it was me since I was no longer working there. Of course, I was only about 10 blocks away and easy to find…
Infant abduction at the hospital I volunteer at.
Well, it all started at the company Christmas party a few years ago. At the time, the secretary was a friend of the boss’s now ex-wife. Both of the gals were attractive with decent bodies. In any case, things started to get a little wild at the office with all of the booze and festivities, and a bunch of us eventually found ourselves at the local strip club along with the boss, his wife, and the secretary. Didn’t take too long for the wife and secretary to make it to a stage and dance around with one of the strippers, and ultimately both had their tops off and were fully exposed for all the employees to see. By the look on my boss’s face, I knew right then that his marriage was in trouble and the secretary’s days were numbered. The divorce and personnel change didn’t take very long after that. Fun night.
When I was a receptionist, I once got written up for buzzing our VP to let her know about an urgent call she was expecting. I “made her lose her train of thought.”
While working at Dell… Guy was chased down by security for wearing an Obama mask on the day Obama won. He was fired immediately.
Victim of a gang shooting ran through our warehouse, blood pouring out of the 3 or 4 bullet holes in his abdomen.
Another time, a guy got beaten to death by a 2×4 in our parking lot.
My boss is Jewish. Every year before Christmas he fires a Christian. Last year he actually hired a guy just before thanksgiving, then fired him just before Christmas. The rest of us considered it a favor, because somebody had to go, and it might as well be the new guy.
Cops showed up and arressted a secretary for her involvement in a bank robbery. They were planning on killing the person that was cooperating with police.
One time a guy with obvious mental issues took a roll of TP from the bathroom and wrapped himself up like a mummy and started moaning and doing a mummie walk around the office. Good times.
I work in the welfare office.
Our very gay Santa Claus-looking HR manager was in the showroom demonstrating for everyone how to properly deep throat a penis using a banana. He also went into great detail about how to slap the balls at the point of orgasm. There were customers present.
Co-worker had just gotten approved for an apartment. “Glad it’s the one I wanted, ’cause I didn’t wanna live near no black or Spanish people.”
She knows I’m Mexican.
My buddy discovered that the guy who cleaned up overnight at his BBQ joint was having sex with the briskets.
An employee was storing promo materials in the attic, stepped off the side of the finished floor, fell through the ceiling into the bathroom and landed on the toilet. Where someone else was sitting. That was pretty fucked up.
Not my office, but my boss’ wife’s office (which is just a few blocks away) was taken hostage by a gunman. Police cordoned off the block and were trying to talk him down the entire afternoon.
I think he had 8 people in there with him. Thankfully none of them were my boss’ wife. He was pretty messed up that day until he found out she was okay.
We’d ordered some large plastic ziplock bags, but when they arrived they were far larger than anticipated. So of course my coworker decides to climb in, and the receptionist then proceeded to seal it up and start dragging him around the office. It was about this time the CEO walks in to see his employee being dragged down the hall sealed in a plastic bag looking like some kind of giant, clothed fetus. It was uncomfortable to say the least.
Client’s husband (during a divorce) got absolutely shit-faced, stumbled into our lobby, and took a leak in the corner. Police were called, shotgun was found in his truck.
We’re not sure if he was planning on using the gun or anything. Probably not. But either way, it was a little crazy.
Someone worked an all-nighter and got drunk, did coke, shit in a conference room and passed out with their pants half-way off. He was fired.
A woman who worked up in the front office’s large intestine had ripped, her abdominal cavity filled with feces. She swelled to freakish proportions over a few weeks. People kept asking her what was wrong. She looked terrible, bad color, sweating etc. Until one day, she just fell over as she was walking to her desk. She hit herself on the corner and tore. Spilling weeks of rancid fluids and crap onto the floor. She lived. But had to have a bag. They called us to deal with it and we “noped” right the fuck outta there.