6 Hilarious And Horrifying Restaurants You Should Never Go To, As Told By Its Customers

1. “There’s tequila in a margarita?”

Definitely not a margarita from this place. Photo by Neil Conway.
Definitely not a margarita from this place. Photo by Neil Conway.

With 1 star and 29 reviews, Colony Cafe – a bar/restaurant in Miami Beach – is notorious on Yelp for scamming customers with ridiculously overpriced menu items, by, among other tactics, refusing to speak English after delivering the bill, lying about the cost of their food, using multiple aliases for their restaurant to duck negative reviews, and insulting customers when they realize they’re being taken advantage of.

From Jim U., whose two drinks were actually four drinks, according to his server:

Our two for one drinks, one of which was non-alcoholic, cost us $27. Really, a rum and coke and a virgin cocktail normally costs $54 for lunch? Really? We had to ask someone in charge to explain the bill to us. He said that really each drink was two drinks, so we didn’t have two drinks between us, but rather 4. My rum and coke was $18 after the discount, and my girlfriend’s virgin drink was $9 after the discount. I am still confused even as I write this. So my one drink costs about the same as an entire bottle of rum after the discount? Rum and cokes are normally $36 apiece? Really?

“There’s tequila in a margarita?” From Hillary C.:

…they tell you your drink is 2 for 1 but not if you get a Grande. Then you only get one, but you pay for 2. What!?

Unfortunately my table mates were not so lucky.

My girl Tiff orders the Margarita Pizza and receives a cold cheese pizza. We tell the server its wrong, that a margarita pizza has tomatoes and basil on it. He goes to the back and comes and says that’s how they make a Margarita pizza.

My girl Lisa orders a Margarita (beverage), downs it, asks for her 2nd “free” one and then asks how much tequila is in it. The server asks back, “There’s tequila in a margarita?” The table I’m at and the 2 tables next to us all burst out laughing. One of the guys at the next table says yeah he got that too and its the most expensive smoothie he’s ever had.

Our girl Maria orders a Cape Cod and receives a Mojito. The server just stares at her when she wants what she actually ordered.

So by now we decide to ask for the Manager. The server asks the hostess. She comes over and tells us the Manager isn’t there. We slowly say, “Ooookay” and when she sees this doesn’t really do much for us she adds “And he doesn’t speak English.”

Cris J. was charged an insane amount for a “platter”:

This is the worst restaurant ever stay away!!! They charged me 85$ for a platter that the waiter suggested without telling me the price . This 85$ platter was nkt even ln the menu and consisted of chicken wings , popcorn shrimp and cheese stucks!!!! WTFFF !!! I was scammed and robbed!!! I will never come here , stay at their hotel or recommend to anyone

2. Customer signs up for restaurant newsletter with phone number before eating, immediately begins getting creepy texts. Finds out it’s one of the wait staff. Police end up involved.

Image: George Kelly
Image: George Kelly

Right after giving up her info for a restaurant’s mailing list, this redditor’s girlfriend began receiving gross texts from an unknown number. Turns out, the person texting her was in the restaurant. Taking pictures.

I was eating with a female friend at a reasonably nice restaurant. Not posh, but expensive. Before we were seated we grabbed a drink at the bar, whilst there she signed up to some sort of newsletter at the bar. To be fair it was stuff like this that made me apprehensive to call the place “posh”.

Anyways, we sit down and the girl I’m with gets a text telling her how beautiful she looks. She ignores it and another one comes through asking her what she’s doing later. She hasn’t got a clue who it is and ignores it.

We’re finishing up our meal and a 3rd text comes through saying she shouldn’t be with a guy like me and asking if she wanted dessert with a “real man”

Now it’s clear someone in the restaurant has her number and we clocked that she had put it down on the application form for the newsletter. Considering the newsletters went into a box behind the bar it was a member of staff. After getting the manager down and him calling the number and pegging what member of staff it was it turned out one of the waiters had taken her number and address off this form, written it in his phone and had spent the evening taking pictures of her from behind the bar. The police ended up involved.

3. He “stared at us and counted to three in spanish over and over again in a satanic voice”

Photo by Brian Mount
Photo by Brian Mount

Went to a mexican restaurant that was completely empty on a saturday night. Highlights included:

-A clump of hair/dust in the salsa

-Music cranked up so loud that the water on the table rippled

-Empty dancefloor, a DJ that came out, stared at us and counted to three in spanish over and over again in a satanic voice

-A pretty ok enchilada…

-When attempting to pay with a credit card, making sure to get a signature because “the fucking cops have been around”

-A toothless man wandering around near the cash register with a guitar just laughing and spouting nonsense

-A friend’s report that there was a man most likely getting a blowjob in the bathroom.

Then we found out why that place was so mental two weeks later when I went to read some bad reviews. http://www.10tv.com/content/stories/2009/02/26/story_heroin.html

TLDR; Ate at a restaurant being used to front a heroin ring. It was raided by swat two days after.

4. “The waiter kept shining a laser pointer at him.”

My brother was once in a restaurant and the waiter kept shining a laser pointer at him. The waiter didn’t give one fuck either. When my brother saw who it was and pointed at him he just laughed and gave him the finger. Needless to say he didn’t get a tip

5. “By this time it was a little after 6 AM…” Boston delivery pizzeria charges drunk late-night customers exorbitant prices, waits until they fall asleep, and never delivers the pizza (but doesn’t refund the cost)

Not from Regal, but probably close. Photo by Herry Lawford
Not from Regal, but probably close. Photo by Herry Lawford

Regal Cafe Pizzeria in Boston appears to have universally negative Yelp reviews. Their MO is simple: take drunk people’s desperate late-night pizza orders, fail to deliver the food for four hours, then call and ask whether they still want the pizza (usually they’re asleep at this point). When they don’t pick up, they get to deny a refund for their totally overpriced food!

From Kristen D.:

I got their number from the hotel and ordered at 2am..By 3am nothing had arrived so I called. They told me the driver was out with my pizza. I also was told when I ordered that I needed to order somehing additional so I added an order of wings. By 4am I still had no pizza. I called again and they said it was on its way. I fell asleep in the meantime and was awoken by a phone call from the driver at 4:20am asking if I still wanted it becuase I was his next stop! I said no, not after 2 hours so he said ok and told me to call the restaurant to tell them to cancel which i did. They said ok and that was that.

Today I see I was charged $86 for not a sh**tty pizza, but no pizza! Nothing! And 24 hours? I can’t get a hold of anyone to dispute this so now I have had to cancel my card.

From Brandon B.

My girlfriend and I wanted to get delivery after we got back from the 2011 Resolution Ball at the Seaport World Trade Center on NYE. (Great Event BTW) So my girlfriend goes on her Iphone runs a search for pizza joints in the area. Up popped a 24 hour pizza delivery place. We though perfect!

So at 2:45 AM we called up figuring we would just get supreme pizza and mozzarella sticks… He tells us that he doesn’t have that just the Margherita pizza… We said okay fine we were hungry that would suffice. So he said that because its New Years he will toss in a Greek salad, two slices of cake, and 6 sodas. I actually thanked him I thought he was doing something out of the kindness of his heart. He told me it would be $24.99 and asked for a credit card number. He said it would be delivered within 45 min to an hour and his last words were don’t fall asleep…

Then we woke up.

It was 4:50 We got four missed calls from the non English speaking delivery guy close to two hours later from 4:37 – 4:44 AM. That is when my mind began to wonder if he was expecting us to pass out so they could still collect their money.

So my gf and I called them back immediately in hopes of getting the pizza we had paid for.

We got our pizza alright… by this time it was a little after 6 AM and the delivery guys tells me I owe $55. I was in complete shock. $55 for cold mozzarella sticks, pizza, and all this other junk I didn’t ask for?!

I demanded to speak with his boss, who ended up being the same guy taking the orders. He explained why it was so much but it didn’t make any sense besides the fact I know the pizza guy needs to get paid too. I told him I wasn’t paying him that amount but would be happy to tip the guy. He said negotiated and said okay $45. At this point I was fed up and was going to give the owner an earful when I got back to the room.

6. Customers never get silverware, but are accused of stealing it.

jenny downing
jenny downing

I don’t know if this was the worst, but it sprang to mind.

We were in a restaurant we’ve gone to sporadically over the years. It’s usually reasonably good.

We’re seated and our drink order is taken. I mention to the waitress that there’s no silverware on the table, and she says “Oh, no problem, I’ll be right back”. She shows back up 10 minutes later to take our dinner order. We order, and I again mention the lack of silverware. “Oh, right, hang on”.

We don’t see her again for 30 minutes. Drinks are empty, no silverware, nothing. Can’t even find her in the restaurant.

After 30 minutes, she shows up again with our meals, both pasta dishes. She sets them down, and I again mention that we have no silverware, and can’t eat our dinner. “Oh, I’m so sorry, hang on”.

She disappears again. There’s something horrible about being very hungry and staring at your meal while being unable to eat it. Stomach’s rumbling, you’re salivating, you’re so damn ready to dig in… but you can’t.

After staring at our dinner for at least five minutes, I get up, go to the setup table and grab two full sets of silverware and napkins, and return to the table. We eat, waitress is MIA.

Twenty minutes after we’ve finished our meals, still no waitress. I get up and ask to see the manager. I tell her what happened and she accuses me of trying to steal the silverware. Blew my mind.

Suffice it to say, we’ve never gone back and have dissuaded lots of people from eating there.

EDIT: I should mention that the restaurant was maybe 1/3rd full the whole time, perhaps a dozen people besides us. TC mark

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