2012

They’ll literally be in the middle of talking about puppies or rainbows and then they’ll turn, vitriol spewing from their gnarled mouths, yell “Yankees suck!” with a vengeance and then turn back pleasantly to the conversation at hand.

Look at me: I am making pancakes. I am inserting strawberry cheesecake so they will be strawberry cheesecake pancakes. I am stacking the strawberry cheesecake pancakes and covering them in strawberry frosting so they will be strawberry cheesecake pancake cupcakes. I am making 60 strawberry cheesecake pancake cupcakes, and I am eating them one after another, rapidly, without chewing.

John Tyler did some serious work in the White House — and I’m not talking about the 1844 Treaty of Wanghia — he fathered 15 children with two different women in his 71 years on this planet.

You were just that overcome with emotion that instead of saying anything, your slovenly self decided to just type a colon and half a parentheses in response to some of the most mundane anecdotes from my day?

Who allows ten messages to go unanswered — a month of silence to stretch on — and still be excited when the other person finally decides to respond? I did.

It had been during that 11-hour car ride, Pooh thought to himself as he spied the river off in the distance, when he realized he had to kill Piglet.

The thing about gossip is, no matter how much you enjoy it in the moment (and we all kind of have our ugly moments of saying something nasty about someone that we wouldn’t say to their faces), you know it is probably happening behind your back, too.

Will Smith is not just the father of Willow and The Karate Kid.

LL Cool J — I liked how he kept licking his lips in “Going Back to Cali”; seemed like obsessive compulsive disorder, but since he’s a stud no one called him out on that.

These are songs to cry to, drink to, feel weak to; songs to feel wounded to and feel the tight swell in your chest to.