I am aware that a vast majority of people are both ashamed and embarrassed about farting, even though I’m not. I’m also aware that a vast majority of this vast majority are women, and moreover I am aware that most women only fart perfume and poop rainbows (everyone has to fart and poop OK, some girls just do it prettier).
I learned so much about myself from dating. I was challenged and put out of my comfort zone. I was taught how to compromise and how to deal with different personalities. It was exciting, scary, and foreign.
Your first time is special. It sounds corny to say but how could it not be? SEX IS SO INSANE. The fact that we do it blows my mind on a regular basis. The first time is special because you feel like you’ve just been clued in on a giant secret.
I’m pretending that I don’t like you like that, and I bet you don’t even know. Why would you? I’ve put a lot of effort into this charade, and I’m pulling it off with such ease I’ve almost even convinced myself that I don’t like you like that. Sort of like that creepy thing people do when they’re sad and just smile anyway; eventually the smile becomes real, and the forced weirdness just fades away.
Maybe our generation should be called Generation :-) instead of Generation Y or whatever they’re calling us. Now, conveniently, you don’t have to put your complicated thoughts and sentiments into words. You can just use a smiley.
Stoned sex always begins with the best of intentions. Your senses are working overtime and everything feels so amazing but it usually devolves into a long sex nap with nachos. Kissing is great because lips feel like goose feather pillows and the tongue has this slimy texture that actually feels great. It’s when things progress further that things can be overwhelming.
The best love songs make it possible for you to feel like you’re in love for the duration of the song. Even if you’ve been single for some time, you can play the song and feel like you belong to somebody. That’s what “I Only Have Eyes For You” does for me.
That’s the point where you really know, you really, really know, that you’ll be able to tell everything you need about a man’s feelings from the way he looks at you. It’s when you’ll stop demanding frivolous gestures and “I love you,” because on the rare occasion you notice him looking at you like that, you know it’s all you’ll ever need.