Grow up with a very loose understanding of sex. How does it work? What goes where? I mean, do I really have to do it? It seems painful and gross!
Yes, you must have sex. This you know for certain. This you’ve known since the day your family got cable. You have to do it, preferably while you’re still in high school. Going to college as a virgin can be really scary because everyone around you starts pretending to be a mature adult who’s capable of having casual sex. What’s up with that anyway? In high school, sex is the biggest deal ever but when you get to college, people start speaking a different language. “Oh yeah, we’ve just been sleeping together. It’s NBD. He just sleeps over sometimes.” Wow. Those three months between high school and college must’ve really been life altering! You just went from shaking like a leaf to not even flinching.
We all know that’s crap; we all know that people are still trembling and have strong feelings about sleeping with someone, but whatever. We’ll let college kids be college kids.
Back to the matter at hand, losing your V is a big D. This is partially society’s fault—there’s a real distance that exists between people who’ve had sex and those who haven’t—but it’s also a natural reaction for your body and mind. Make no mistake, the first time you have sex is intense. You’ll actually be shocked by how intense it is. That’s okay though. It will always be sort of intense. If it isn’t, that means you’re doing it wrong.
Lose your virginity to someone you love or maybe someone you don’t even know. Both are okay in my book. Losing it to someone you love is of course ideal but sometimes you do what you gotta do in order to feel healthy. It might kill you for a second—sleeping with someone who doesn’t mean a thing to you—but you’ll get over it and eventually get under someone else who’s special. I think a lot of people get hung up on this idea of losing it to someone you love but that can be dangerous. What if you’re 24 and have never been in love? Then you’re still a virgin and feeling worlds apart from your friends. You’re feeling undesirable and unsexy. Sometimes you need to just have that bad first time in order to have that amazing second or third time. This person is taking the pressure off of you, they’re removing the fear and making you feel like a functioning member of society. Odds are that losing your V will boost your confidence and help you land the person you actually would like to sleep with. You need to feel wanted, even if it’s by someone who’s unremarkable for just a few moments. I’m not suggesting that you should just lose your virginity to a complete random. I’m just saying that it’s not good to stuck on the enormity of it all. It will just leave you crippled with fear and that’s no fun!
Lose it on a creaky bed, in a car, on a washer and dryer. Lose it at 2:30pm, lose it at 2:30am, lose it at dusk. Lose it to someone who looks you dead in the eye, lose it to someone who turns his head whenever you express pleasure or pain. Lose it while listening to a song, lose it to dead silence. You hear only the smacking sounds of bodies running into each other (OMG, does it have to sound like that?) and the sound of some boy’s stifled moans. It will feel like the realest thing you’ve ever done. It will make you feel human, it will make you feel like an animal, it will make you feel.
Were you ready to have sex? That question always confuses me because I remember always feeling ready. How do you know you’re not ready anyway? Does someone get on top of you and your body recoils? That would make sense. I don’t think anyone is ever truly ready for sex. You just do it and wait for your mind to feel a million different things. I guess sometimes you’re not ready to feel that much.
Your first time is special. It sounds corny to say but how could it not be? SEX IS SO INSANE. The fact that we do it blows my mind on a regular basis. The first time is special because you feel like you’ve just been clued in on a giant secret. “Oh, so this is what we’re meant to do. This is what drives people to do crazy things. This is what makes people drink or buy expensive perfumes or work out: Someone’s body molding with yours. Gotcha, world!” Gotcha.