You tasted of my childhood.
Do everything you possibly can as a human to make other people’s lives easier, but please do not do this at cost to yourself or your mental health, no matter what anyone says.
There are days when anxiety makes you feel so kerosene drenched and flammable, that anything can be a trigger to a colossal fire within you.
This is how you will reclaim yourself. You will rebirth your heart. You will understand how you are the most important thing you need in this moment, in this time, in this space. How you are all you have always needed to survive and thrive.
If he loves you, he will not be okay with you not being okay. If he is a decent human being, he will want to know about his selfish behaviour and how it affects you. If he is kind, he will not be able to see you being sad over something he has done wrong. You are doing both yourself and him an injustice by not trusting him with your true feelings in lieu of being low maintenance.
Find yourself. Find yourself in books and stories and TV shows and movies and the night sky and the forest and the walks in the rain and everything else that makes you feel beautiful, even if it is for a moment, for a second, for a day. Then find the people who never let you forget that, who always help you shine.
Recognise that there are people in this world who are going to use your trauma, your heartache to control you in an argument, in a relationship, in your life, in moments when you are at your most fragile and vulnerable. This is how abusers work.
Part of being a good person is finding the strength and kindness to walk away even when you are holding a tinder box that could blaze through an evil person’s entire world.
Do what makes you happy for a change, not what you are supposed to do. Remember the mantra: self care is not selfish in any way.
You forget to see how much they hurt, how much they are bleeding, how intricately and complicatedly human they are. You don’t understand why they seem to bleed off the canvas in their flaws.