Thought Catalog
June 16, 2017

50 Jokes That Are So Awful And Dumb, You’ll Hate Yourself For Laughing

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Found on AskReddit.

1.

“My girlfriend is always yelling at me because I get my directions mixed up.
So I packed my bags and right left away!”

Basketcase559


2.

“What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the great have in common?
Same middle name!”

Faceripperchimp


3.

“What’s the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird.”

Konval


4.

“1) I know a good knock knock joke but you need to start it
2) ok, knock knock
1) who’s there?”

betterhandleneeded


5.

“What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.”

tklfillerz


6.

“‘Guess what?’
‘What?’
‘Good guess.’”

EmberedAccountant


7.

“Fish swimming upriver and bumps his head.
‘Dam.’”

chewshoot


8.

“A polar bear walks into a bar and says…………………. ‘I’ll have a beer.’
Bartender says, ‘What’s with the big pause?’
Polar bear replies, ‘I don’t know, I was born with them.’”

Stanky_sock


9.

“What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.”

therowdyism


10.

“This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder…”

faceintheblue


11.

“Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.”

TearfulCaramel


12.

“My wife walked in on me masturbating to an optical illusion.
I said, ‘Honey, it’s not what it looks like!’”

chickenwing95


13.

“You want to hear a clean joke? A man took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear the dirty joke? Bubbles is a man.”

ienjoypoopingstuff


14.

“What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.”

ounerify


15.

“Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.”

Name Withheld


16.

“The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.”

Rndomguytf


17.

“What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.”

bonster85


18.

“A plateau is the highest form of flattery.”

BCFIVEK


19.

“I went to a zoo but there was only one dog in it. It was a Shitzu.”

IAmSomewhatHappy


20.

“A guy was throwing money into an outhouse. Another guy comes up and asks, ‘What the hell are you doing?’ The first guy says, ‘I dropped a dollar down there, and I ain’t goin down there for just a dollar.’”

GimpyTreat


21.

“Why did the old lady fall in the well?
Because she didn’t see that well.”

CruiseVein


22.

“Two cannibals sit around a campfire. One says ‘Man, I hate my mother-in-law.’
The other one says, ‘Well, then, try the potatoes.’”

RavenousPikachu


23.

“I tried to work in an orange juice factory but I couldn’t concentrate.”

psych_professor


24.

“A blind man walks into a bar…then a table, a chair, and a woman.”

Galkzo


25.

“What did the baby computer say to the father computer…?
Data.”

Mattack98


26.

“There are two muffins baking in an oven. The first muffin says, ‘Man, it sure is hot in here.’ The second muffin says, ‘Holy shit, a talking muffin!’”

themickle


27.

“A Mexican magician tells his audience he will disappear on three. So he says, ‘Uno…dos…’ POOF! He disappeared without a tres…”

Salvo190


28.

“I like my women like I like my coffee—without a penis”

blind_retard


29.

“How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the Fresh Prints.”

ArchStanton93


30.

“What would Abraham Lincoln be doing if he were alive today?
Screaming and scratching at the top of his coffin.”

DaJacer


31.

“Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler, but when I woke up I was still exhausted.”

LOOKATMEDAMMIT


32.

“How do you spot Ronald McDonald at a nudist colony?
Look for the sesame seed buns.”

chickenwing95


33.

“Where did Billy go when the building exploded? Everywhere.”

theodorhar


34.

“Why does a Chicken Coupe have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a Chicken Sedan.”

PluggerOfButts


35.

“What do get if you mix a dyslexic, an agnostic, and an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night, wondering whether or not there is a dog.”

Cdalblar


36.

“The ultimate insult is ‘Who is this clown?’
Not only are you calling them a clown, but you are also saying they are one of the lesser-known clowns.”

xXKiller_MemestarXx


37.

“Why did the duck cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.”

Robbiev427


38.

“What do Batman say to Robin when they are getting into the Batmobile?
‘C’mon, Robin, get into the Batmobile!’”

imnotmeoryou


39.

“What do you call a black astronaut? An astronaut, you racist!”

AlphaQUp_Bish


40.

“What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.”

jmremote


41.

“What’s the difference between a boner and a Ferrari?
I don’t have a Ferrari.”

pootiel0ver


42.

“Yo mama’s so fat that when she hauls ass she has to take 2 trips.”

Beanyurza


43.

“‘Ask me if I’m a rock.’
‘Are you a rock?’
‘Yes. Now, ask me if I’m a tree.’
‘Are you a tree?’
‘No, I’m a rock, dumbass.’”

batatasta


44.

“What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.”

DarkMarcy


45.

“A man walks into a bar.
Ouch! It was a metal bar.”

Sarcastic_Santa


46.

“What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a monkey? Refrigerators can’t climb trees.”

FusRoDont


47.

“Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To hold their pants up.”

Monkibizness


48.

“Q: Have you ever hear of Murphy’s Law?
A: It’s the law that if it can go wrong, it will.
Q: Have you ever heard of Cole’s Law?
A: It’s chopped cabbage.”

afoste83


49.

“Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?
Because they’re dead.”

FlibbertPlays


50.

“How do you keep an idiot in suspense?”

Psychotic_Precision TC mark