15 Reasons Why People Move To New York City
1. We’re masochists. We doll ourselves up every night for a city that’s just going to end up giving us a black eye anyway. It’s our glamorous version of a bad boyfriend.
2. We weren’t content living our life somewhere else. We saw what it would’ve been like if we stayed put and we got scared, real scared. (If you grew up in NYC, you probably still live here because the city has made you unfit for anywhere else. It’s as if New York peed all over you when you were born and marked its territory. The little bitch!)
3. We heard that New York is the one place you don’t ever have to grow up. 80-year-olds walk the street at 2 a.m. looking for a coffee shop, parents still go out and maintain some semblance of a life. The people who live here operate on the pleasure principle. They do what feels good and are wary of having to deal with any sort of compromise.
4. Because, as much as it pains to admit, some of us watched Sex and the City and became obsessed with the Hollywood version of the city. How else do you explain the current residents of Murray Hill?
5. We’re impatient brats who want the best food in the world delivered to us at 4 a.m. and we don’t want to have to walk too far to get our morning coffee or anything else for that matter. Again, it’s that pleasure principle. GIVE ME WHAT I WANT AND GIVE IT TO ME NOW. It’s like we’re dealing with a city full of Scorpios!
6. People are under the assumption that moving to New York will make them more interesting and give them the life experience necessary to be… I don’t know… the kind of individual everyone is jealous of? Although the backdrop of the city can enhance your experiences, it’s not a miracle worker. If your personality sucks, it’s not like New York can give you a good one through some magical metropolitan form of osmosis.
7. We suffer from Fear Of Missing Out and by moving to New York, we’ve been able to force ourselves into being a part of the conversation. Now if we miss something fun, we have no one to blame but ourselves.
8. We have aspirations of being the best in our field. We are hungry, hungry tigers with a serious work ethic. You don’t move to New York to do Nothing. It’s just too fucking expensive. Laying in bed for an entire day costs you like 60 dollars.
9. We are a bunch of anxious malcontents who are prone to bouts of loneliness and we figured that we could wrap this city around us like a body pillow. We assumed that we could find people who are just like us, people who are desperate to make a human connection at 3 a.m. and then shake it off of them as soon as the sun came up.
10. We want to see faces that tell stories. We want to see passion on the streets, people screaming and crying, and pretend we’re annoyed by the noise but secretly love it, secretly feel like we’ve just been given a shot of adrenaline.
11. We want to make the most of our youth. Treat it like it’s an orange and we’re sucking the pulp dry. Sticky fingers, messy hands, but damn it tasted good.
12. We’re feelings junkies. When we walk out of our door in the morning, we want our brain to be assaulted by a myriad of things. We’re not ready to feel balanced and healthy yet. Burning the candle at both ends still fills us with an intoxicating combo of joy and dread. We are like a strange mix of resilience and ultimate fragility.
13. We don’t want anyone to give us weird looks when we’re not married with kids at the age of 35.
14. We are the type of people whose anxieties propel us forward. Anxiety is what forced us to move here, anxiety is what landed us our great job. We’re always moving closer and closer to where we want to be, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
15. We are the most sensitive assholes. Ever. It’s annoying.
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Took my own braces off with nail clippers.
…So let’s go there.
It’s 2 A.M. and you find yourself in front of a fast food restaurant. The world spins, your stomach growls, and your heart beats. You’re drunk and hungry.
I could write a whole spiel about my distaste for the great American scam that is the unpaid internship, but I digress.