How to Live in New York City

This made me feel very emotional.

I want to be there. But Australia is so far away on so many levels.

Typo in fourth paragraph. 'You're' should be 'your'.

Don't like the weird smug ending, and I'm a New Yorker.

So, so, so true. Though like “Revelation” I don't like the tone shift at the end, the winking nudge. Prefer the snarky cynicism of first half of piece.

Best best best: “Eat bad pizza but trick yourself into believing it’s good because it’s made in New York. Do the same thing with bagels and sex”

This is happening to me right now

real talk.

Perfectly on point, as always. Bravo Mr. O'Connell.

I can't stop laughing… I am that crying in public person. No one blinks when they see tears streaming down my face and, I have to say, I kind of love it. No one is surprised. And no one minds. Because they don't have time to mind. They're too busy trying to pay the rent.

sweet

sounds like i'll blend right in

I would like to move to New York when I'm 22 and have diploma in hand, but I'd also like to not die and/or become a cliché. Article on how to do this?

Don't be snarky and call out typos… especially when YOU'RE wrong.

As a life long New Yorker, I am extremely offended by this post. It's observingly written by an outsider.

Max Fish is closinggg

false.

Actually, it wasn't wrong. The typo was corrected long before you posted this. Also, I wouldn't say 'don't be snarky' on Thought Catalog. Have you read anything on here?

Never been to Queens or the Bronx? Not a New Yorker, a tourist.

There are also a lot of extra commas in this piece.

“Fall in love with a bar called, Max Fish, and always stay out till four in the morning. ”

I disagree with the comma after 'called', but I may be wrong. There were others too, but I guess that's what an editor should be for….

The content of the article was meh – I've seen better examples of New York experiences for outsiders posted on Facebook. I'm was a 22 year old transplant from FL – been here for 5 years!

THE RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH lol

“snark” catalog…

was this comment snarky?

as most of the people living in NY are outsiders, I'd say it's written for the right audience :)

I can only relate to this partially because I am a native.

-'Going home for the holidays' has meant a 15 minute drive/30 minute train commute in Brooklyn.
-This city has me by the balls because everything I know is here.
-If I ever leave, it'll be for another country.
-Where the hell are you in the city to not be able to find decent pizza?

Describes be to a T. Makes me love and hate myself and new york all at the same time.

I think that was your goal.

Be yourself?

A nice place to 'visit', but I wouldn't want to 'live' there.

I want to be there too, makes me sad. Most of us get eaten alive having to adjust to the american culture first, and then new york life, double whammy. I say we make the most of wherever we are.

The last paragraph broke my heart.

i'm jealous of ur bedbugs

Great outline of some of the quintessential experiences shared by all that grow up and leave their homes. Unfortunately, the idea that NYC is somehow better than other cities because of inflated expenses and late last calls without any other evidence, other than the opportunity to spend time with people willing to live in the same situation, is the type of argument about NYC that just can’t hold against someone getting good bagels, pizza, and sex on the regular. For me NYC is only good for one thing, keeping all the New Yorkers out of the rest of the country.

This is SUCH a blatant rip off of Joan Didion's essay, “Goodbye to All That”, right down to the part about buying fruits from a street vendor and eating them on a walk. Shame on you.

Please learn grammar.

What silly tripe.

A bunch of people in their mid twenties who moved to New York early last year or so did not enjoy this article.

On borrowing text: While diminishing its value as an original piece, new art frequently borrows from old; it's how society progresses.

On not reflecting New York properly: this piece feels like it was written to be from and for someone who has recently moved into the city with all kinds of young optimism. If that's not you, then don't be offended. This isn't about you and wasn't intended to be. Always consider the audience of a piece. You wouldn't call Dr. Seuss “silly tripe,” would you? But you know you're not the intended audience for his books. I'm not putting this on the same level as Dr. Seuss, but the concept applies.

I'm a native. I have no idea what this yokel putz is talking about.

this is exactly what it's like to move to NYC, you guys have no idea what you're saying…

True story.

NYC SUCKS SO BAD

Like R.L Stine said, “I'm so glad that I live in New York City and not in the United States.”

Was very cute. Style closely resembled Lorrie Moore's “How to Become a Writer”

I being living in NYC (Chelsea) for the last 12 years and I can count the times I being in Queens, Brooklyn or Bronx. There's nothing there.

I was just kicked out of housing, I lost my wallet in Max Fish, stole plums from the plum lady, cried because I got arrested , now Im in the 5.0 precinct in the bronx.. That just answered to everyones stupid ass comment. New York is for well wishers and wannabes. Woof..This piece and all comments are so wishy washy. Ladies, its new york city, no one cares, join a group that might. Become a musical theatre major at NYU .

You would feel emotional Kelly Mcclure. You WOULD….

this makes me just as embarassed to live in the city as that stupid village voice article about the 50 reason new york is wonderful (or something like that). seeing people cry in the city, drinking til 4am, and overpaying for a shoebox are probably three of the worst reasons to live in the city.

the subway system making a commute to work relatively painless, meeting people from different walks of life, and being able to get anything delivered at any time now those are reasons to live in Manhattan

It's because the POV of the writing was second person.

Having just moved away from the city, I empathize with every word written here. And it's comforting to know that while yes, I will likely never return as a permanent resident, it WAS real. My relationship with NYC is gritty and complicated, and will never be put to rest. And that's why I love that damn city so much.

Max Fish is shutting down, oops ryan o'connell

the only people who say that are people who have never lived there.

Everyone is a transplant? Get out of your bubble you fucking retard.

Damn. Why so mean?

I agree with you completely. However, you misused a comma when you said “there were others too, but…” The comma and the word “but” serve the same purpose. :)

This article is Glam at best and BS all the rest.
Crying in public, please, get a grip…New Yorkers I know would walk by and not even notice a cryer.
Out til 4am, lush, binge drinkers, coke heads…I stay out til 4am when I bartend and make 5-6 hundred dollars off the B&T crowd or gay night one offs, even your local drinkers, who stays out til 4 everynight?

New York lifestyle is so much more than this article gives it credit.
New York is a living breathing organism that we as New Yorkers add to it's flow , it's vibrations…we are New York and It reverberates whet we put into it. Sometimes you act happy or sometimes your having an off day, whichever, the city stands tall and will force you to realize that tomorrow is another day, brush yourself off and get back in the game, suck it up…

Just remember one important note from a New Yorker, if your a tourist move the F over and stop taking up my valuable sidewalk, unlike you, 8 million other people got F'in places to be and F'in people to see, step aside…

Sounds just like life in downtown Los Angeles, except our rents are a bit lower and instead of crying we have voiding, evacuating, and vomiting.

Come to Downtown LA, where the weather's still decent, the rents are somewhat affordable, and the whole place smells like a public restroom!

Think one has to understand as great as the energy that young transplants bring to the city (lol 28yr native myself) … after the 10,000th article, blog post, op-ed column you read praising the NYC experience and basically pretending we don't exist it starts to get a little insulting. We do exist. We have to live through the same financial struggles, shitty apartments, shitty jobs you do … the difference is we can't “go home” to escape it. There is no where to go.

I think most native NYers would be more comfortable with the euphoric transplant experience if most transplants remembered that New York is a city, not an amusement park.

That just shows how 'cultured' you are. Sorry us 'outer borough' crowd isn't good enough for you.

The point of the article is that it is describing the life of a 18, 22 or 24 that moved to the city. It isn't describing the person that has lived here forever.

This is fucking awful. I grew up on the UWS and I mean parts of it ring true but just ugghhh. I'm never moved to comment on stuff like this but I am now. I guess this is a transplants perspective which is something I am very happy not to be at the moment.

This post is somewhere between “cliché” and “wanabe”… Honestly, it doesn't reflect what living in NY is… sorry buddy but I am assuming you haven't lived here long enough… Try again ;)

this post is fucking retarded.

This reminds me of when I first moved here. I don't think the details are to be taken as literally, like bad pizza could be bad anything. No matter where you are, if you were trying to adjust to some new place/group or looking for your identity, it's easy to catch yourself being ironic between your actions and your actual feelings (which could potentially turn into cynicism). Perhaps NY life is not for everyone, I understand.

Please keep thinking that way. Many of us moved from Manhattan to Brooklyn in order to get away from your exact kind of douchebaggery.

(from someone who lived in Manhattan for for 12 years before seeing the light)

This article made me want to pack up, leave and go back home. But seriously I have never seen anyone cry in public.

So effin true! Every part of it. My first public cry was in front of CVS. I would only add some bubble tea to the article and it'd be complete! I had to smile when I read “Don't worry. It did.” :)

Yeah, this is just what being a New Yorker is like. It's like a Sex & the City voiceover, every day, everywhere you go.

Seriously? The “but” introduced a new, complete clause. You know, a clause that ought to be separated from the previous clause. With a comma, for example. You don't know nearly as much about grammar as you think you do if you think that comma was misplaced.

First off, I love how the Max Fish ref has already dated itself. I have experienced every single thing in this piece. I've gone full circle from crying in public to offering a tissue to others crying in public, to taking pride in helping moms carry their strollers up the subway stairs.

I just moved from new york very abruptly only one month ago, and the last paragraph breaks my heart b/c while everything else is right on point, I realized I gotta get back, I'm in love with the beautiful struggle that is life in new york

glad my thoughts on New York were always right, what a stupid place to live.

You're sad and pathetic Ryan.

This article is the definition of TRITE (e.g. lacking in freshness or effectiveness because of constant use or excessive repetition; hackneyed; stale: the trite phrases in his letter.) It would be really sweet if an 18 year old wide eye girl wrote it, but I am assuming this is written by a white guy in his late 20's? Maybe still supported by your parents? That maybe should talk to a few New Yorkers that were born and raised here…

I love this article even though most of my other NY friends thinks it's a dig. I just get what he's saying about even if you grew up here feeling like a transplant. This City is so alive and ever changing nothing stays constant except change itself. When I grew up here Times Square was the spot to buy drugs and fake IDs now it's Disney World, The Meatpacking was Trannys, meat and parking lots, The Limelight was hot and now it's a shopping center. Don't get me started on Williamsburg and Brooklyn. It's a hectic pace and if you stop to collect yourself it passes you by (try pausing on the sidewalk and count the dirty looks and shoves). One of my NY friends calls me every month to tell me how much house he could get for what he pays in Greenpoint. Thirty years later he's never left and I doubt he ever will. It's got him by the balls. I dream of a beach house. Of course then I would have to I give up my rent stabilized apartment. By the balls! Nice work.

it's true. Visiting here can be so stressful. Living here you have time to take your time.

My favorite part of this trite, misty eyed, piece of pigeon crap essay on nothingness and the loser transplants who come here for this cookie cutter Sex In the City/Devil Wears Prada experience is when the author details how they eventually GO THE HELL HOME.

I only wish they'd do it sooner.

Second favorite is public crying. If you can't hack it here, you don't belong. Suburbia calls.

I'd love to “like” this times a thousand.

check your facts.

it's MEANT to be the perspective of an “outsider”. that's the whole point of the stupid story.

Seriously this is a wanna-be replicate of J.D.'s “Goodbye To All That” –– who does that?

“I couldn't agree with you more. When I read this (without looking at the author's name) I assumed it was written by a 17-18 year old female, who moved here from Montana, or Wyoming, or some other place where people write like this.”

- F

Well, I just moved away after having been an NYC transplant for the past 3 years, and I found myself smiling and nodding at the bulk content of this article. I can relate to just about everything he says except the Fort Greene schpiel.

This might be the most unoriginal piece of writing about being young and new to NYC that I have ever read. Every twenty-something amateur blogger here has written this exact piece at least once, so I guess that it was this authors turn.

It sounds like the 100 facebook notes from every girl I knew sophmore year of college trying as hard as they possibly could to over-romanticize their lives and convince themselves that they were living some Sex and the City fairy tale. Some lame 3rd act voice over about how they love this “topsy turvy you're so crazy but I still love you because you're New York.”

Can't wait to see a new point of view about NYC.

Ha! I loved this piece. Made me actually relive some moments. Sigh

Meet the cute girl at a Midtown Happy Hour…….pick up the Valtrex a week later.

Anonymous people on the internet are dicks.

the imperative mood is getting a bit tired. i recommend learning how to write.

Actually a comma and the word “but” go hand in hand. The “but” would only be unnecessary if a semi colon were used instead. :)

Ha! I love the nasty response to this article! New Yorkers, we love you AND your high standards

Agree. I am a transplant from South America, and I have NEVER felt any of the things this article describes. I guess yeah, if you can't make it here, can't make it anywhere.

Fucking amazing, I literally have the old whimpering man on my block in Greenpoint. Well done.

To the author:

I have to say, maybe normally I would just find this article amusing at best, but I just moved to LA from New York- I have no car and am sitting on the floor in a room full of boxes right now with a lot of New York memories, and it was actually poignantly emotional for me.

I definitely appreciated it.

New York City, the best place to be alone and fall in love with your own loneliness. The best place to see your demons as gifts to either trample upon or eat you alive. New York City, the best place to convince yourself that “better than” and “smarter than” and “more centrally located than” are valid ways for relating to other people.

And yet I love the damn place.

I'm a little disappointed there was no talk about the massive, cultural diversity of the city. Even to mention Fort Greene and not mention the people there; I remember walking into Moe's my first week in NYC to see a bunch of really good-looking black people, gay women, and straight people of many different backgrounds just mingling. For me, it was utopia not to have to go to a “gay bar” again to find my people; Lesbian bars in L.A. are still little ostracized, sometimes bimbo-cized communities where really straight-looking women put on dances similar to those in Coyota Ugly on top of the bar, and the lesbians “and the men that have now discovered that there are women doing the wet t-shirt contest at a gay bar” just ogle. NYC is not perfect, but I miss it like you miss a lost lover.

Oh, and you can find me, some self-advertising at Thursdayyoga.com

wow thats ignorant. Manhattan snobs never ceases to amaze me. you want real new york art and character, come to park slope. experience the best hookah and falafel without spending 50$, visit astoria. the best damn vegetables and fruits, hunts point in the bronx. Manhattan has its good points too, but you're not really experiencing the city and all its greatness until you've grown some balls and taken the subway out of the manhattan comfort zone. might as well move back to whatever podunk town/country/state you grew up in, because thats how diverse manhattan is.

Don't forget the blatant mention of 'Xanadu,' which the author uses totally incorrectly here. Vomit.

total junot diaz rip off.

It's time for a lot of you transplant suckas to go home.

I won't comment on haters here, talking about quality of the essay or yellling “go home”. (The point was the message, everybody writes the way they feel, want and know.) Every intelligent person could notice that these people, haters, are mentally disturbed, with complexes about themselves. Anyway, the whole article made me feel emotional and the last part made me cry.. And it's so ironic, cuz i have never been to NYC, im from Europe. Here is different. I have an impression that the NYC is the sort of chaotic “magic box”, so that when u enter, it does all its, call-it magic, which puts all of the ppl go through the same emotions, problems, and it shapes lives on different levels, which r also common. I think this is what makes NYC so specific, though im not currently the qualified one to talk about it, considering i havent experienced it yet. Planning to come and live there, probably in a year or two, when i finish my university. I will write an article about it then. The impression of a tourist, transplant or born New Yorker is a way different, you cant mix these experiences. Becoming a New Yorker, or citizen of any other place, also dependes on individual , and needs different amounts of time for various types of ppl to get used to the new environment. Enjoy and Bless up!

Yeah, it’s months later and I’m still pissed about this. What a fucking hack.

Sorry, but I have to agree…it gets tiresome hearing people who aren’t even from here complain because it doesn’t live up to their t.v./movie fantasy.

Right  – you have an very detailed take on NYC – Love it. 
Forget about all the distractors who are dissing your writing – forget about the wannabe’s who have no insight –

NYC must be the most loved/hated/liked city in the world – I would love to live in NYC – just for 1 whole year to soak up all the drama, the walks, the people and the pace of the fastest city in the world.

Love your blog – looking forward to more

catherine 

New Yorkers are slaves who think they are humans. 

Cliche, trite, over done? Who freakin’ cares – this was a great piece! It definitely got a reaction, which a ton of people can relate too. New York is EVERYBODY’s city – ever since the Dutch stole/ bought it from the Native Americans. The fact that it attracts and welcomes people from every corner of the earth is what makes it so great and touches so many lives. So Native haters – you’re not really native unless your ancestors didn’t come from a boat, air plane, train or car – and if outsiders didn’t come to cramp your style(s) – this precious city would not hold its magic.

The fact that it go so many responses means that it’s probably good journalism. The fact that quite a few people really connected with what it said must mean that there is some truth to what’s in there. As an ex, ex pat, transient New Yorker I recognised some of the things the author was talking about but not all. To me the biggest point that was made was that manhattan is constantly growing and changing (like and along with many of its inhabitants) and one persons experience isn’t and doesn’t have to be the same as everyone else’s. When I go back to NYC it’s never the same and my new York has gone. But as is alluded to at the end and by many of the comments the place leaves a lasting impression.

Trust me, I’d do anything to speed up the process. #escape’13

Instead of hating I am going to say please read joan didion or megan daums essay on the same topic…

This was extremely relatable and I definitely got sentimental reading this, having lived in the city for my college years. Great piece!

so wait ….. this didn’t just happen to me?!?!?!

WHAT THE F*$^???? 

I THOUGHT IT WAS ONLY ME :( 

ughhhhh sooooo annoying

time to move to LA I guess??

Who would ever leave NYC?!!!

I’m not ashamed to admit that the last paragraph made me tear up. Moved away from NYC in 2009 and I do sometimes wonder if I dreamt those five years or if they really happened…

You count lazily staying in bed to watch Tyra Banks an unforgettable NYC moment? Sorry, not relatable. 

Jeez, have you been following me for the past 3 years?

If the transplants weren’t here this city would suck. The good and the bad. You’d have no diversity, no models from all over the world, no bankers, no protesters, no nothing. 

You’d still have guidos, which is all bad.

please get over yourself immediately.

My experience was a bit different. But then again I wasn’t a hipster and spent mist of my time there working my ass off.

New York is a moveable feast that one brings with them for all their life.

The striking thing about this article is the fact that if you know New York, if one ever really can, then you could easily see where the words were going before they actually went there. Having lived in New York City since 2004 and having left this past August for Europe I now view the city as a transit terminal for dreamers. A place where idealistic people can go, meet their dreams and get vacummed up for either glory or shame. There is no middle ground. Its great or horrible. Its pain or elation. Love or death. God or a godless universe. Uptown or downtown.

I am sitting in Paris and NYC represents two things for me.

1) A place where people are realized. If you are not searching for this you can just meandor and never get it, but if you come for it then you will find it.

2) A new bar or standard to be set. When you leave you either have to find better which is very hard trust me, or accept that you will never live the same awesome way again and that whatever small town you dwell (because everything is small to NY) people will not get the city and they probably think you are crazy for ever being part of it. And after 5 years if you make it that long you probably are a little crazy anyway.

I may be back soon. I hope not. I have traded the village for Châtelet. But in some ways Paris, London, Berlin and Buenos Aires are all reachable by the L train. You just have to be a believer.

Bon courage

x

I was born and raised in a suburb of NYC and I don’t think I’d fit in anywhere else. This was a well written piece and it kept my attention, but it didn’t mention any sort of cultural diversity… you know, the HEART of NYC. Every part of the world is a few subway stops away, and when you get lost in NY enough, you’ll know what I mean. Don’t be afraid to explore, dream, and discover.

People who have kids and don’t have millions of dollars?

“realize that everyone living in New York is a transplant”

um, no…many of us (like myself) were born here and we don’t want your kind infesting our great city

please go the fuck back to Wisconsin or wherever the fuck you came from

you’re a douche.

“”realize that everyone living in New York is a transplant”
um, no… many of us (like myself were born here”

and you have a serious superiority complex.
rewrite:
“realize that everyone living in New York who isn’t a transplant is probably a douche”

Well this is fucking gay.

That’s a lot of hate for where you live. If eating a plum on the street is the highlight of walking around the city, go back to the farm

You pretentious hipster.  Not everyone is a transplant. Lots of us are original New Yorkers. I am not a transplant.  I was born in Brooklyn and you were not.  You are a transplant and I am not.  I am from Brooklyn.  You are from Iowa and LIVE in NYC.  You will never be from NYC.  All of us non-transplants can spot you 5 blocks away.  Keep trying, you will never, ever be from NYC.  You will always be a transplant.  One need only read the Vogan poetry you call a blog to identify you as someone from anywhere but New York. Go Home

Hey swampyankee this article was published last year. Wakey wakey eggs and bakey, douchebagger.

“There is no where to go”

LOL. If you New Yorker’s really had the broad perspective you claim to have, you might realize that you could live better and much cheaper elsewhere. 

The comments to this post are as lame as the original post. It amuses me how New Yorkers all think they are special and live in the best place in the world. New York is a grimy shithole. Lots of people, including me, made a conscious decision not to live there for work or school because they realize that its just a city like anywhere else, except everything costs three times as much and everyone sounds like a guido. Get over yourself.

Yes, yes it was. AND TODAY IT WAS FEATURED ON THE FRONT PAGE OF GAWKER! And even if it wasn’t my comments are still relevant.  The author is still a transplant, I can still spot transplants  5 blocks away, I was still born in NYC, the author was not so he will never , ever be from NYC.  He just lives here.  Like I said, I can always spot a transplant and you are another transplant.  Go back to Dogfelcher Falls Wisconsin where you came from.  We don’t want you here

i am from new york as well and people like you are the reason why this city gets a bad rap..shut the fuck up and stop being so pompous

i am from new york as well and people like you are the reason
why this city gets a bad rap..shut the fuck up and stop being so pompous

Step two: Profit.

If the City was getting a bad rap why is every hipster this side of Portland killing their parents trust funds to move here?  Huh?  Have you looked around?  The whole point of this article and my rant is all the transplants moving here.  There is no bad rap, maybe their should be

Eat your heart out

Don’t be a hater because you’re jealous…lol

I lived in Manhattan on and off from 2004 to 2007 and then for 4 straight years.  Now Europe.  I miss NYC every day, not because of any bars, or social life—just because it feels different than any other place– it feels like the center of the world.  And when you’re in it, it just feels good –in spite of the dirty sidewalks, the noisy honking, the crowded subways, the high cost of living.  It was worth it all to me.  Like a bad romance?

yes, their should… their definitely, definitely should.

The “L” train? That will not take you around the world. It is one of the least diverse train routes of the city. It also has a very limited range, like your experience of NYC must have been. Do you want to see the world? Visit Flatbush, Jackson Heights, Flushing. Get out of Williamsburg once in a while. 

That was nice.

Very nice!

To all the endless childish schoolyard, garish, obscene, and hater commentators- Brennan Stultz  got it right, and beautifully too.  Thank you .  

NEWS FLASH – To all you hating, it is a free country every person has the right to live in anywhere. Just because your parents decided to have you there (a decision that was COMPLETELY out of your control) does not make you cool. Shut your traps – it was a fun read.

No, it wasn’t it’s absolutly pretentious trash.  It reads like a script for a hipster beer commercial:
“Eat a falafel and have someone pay for a cab back to your apartment. Watch the sun start to rise while going over the Williamsburg Bridge and feel like your life is becoming some kind of movie.”
Yuck, that is cringe-worthy.  How about:
“Fly over the East River on my farts that have glitter as I go to the not pants magical L train subway ride that is filled with Unicorns”  

The Williamsburg bridge has been featured in a number of movies. Long before our precious snowflake bleesed us with his arrival in New York City,  Which one of these movies do  think our hopeful author and his falafel would star in? : Once Upon a Time in America, The Naked City,The French Connection, American Gangster ,Serpico or Scent of a Woman? Or some dumb-ass hipster art film about him contemplating a falafel?  Scent of a women?  I think not

Or maybe “realize that everyone in New York who is a transplant only hangs out with other transplants”. Real, born and bred NYers are some of the best people you’ll ever come across. They make this city real, make it feel like home. Had the author spent more time among them he wouldn’t view this city as some sort of dream that eventually everyone awakens from.

You wouldn’t be welcome in NYC..the title to your post says it all….have fun in some no name place going to Home Depot and Target every week…

and grammar lessons may help you communicate better. I can’t focus on your commentary without being distracted by the language.

liar. born and bred new yorkers are not different, better, special, not any more so than anyone else. the only difference sounds like, according to you, the superiority complex. but you’ll get over that. 

Even if you dont agree with what it says… Agree that it’s said beautifully.
I felt the emotion. Thanks

No, not everyone is privileged to live in New York…Only those who have very a high income or have a trust fund.  Many people struggle and barely survive just to live in this city…what’s the point in that?  If your not working for a major corporation or on Wall Street why struggle, move elsewhere and get a mortgage on a large house with property, clean air and parking for less than one months rent in a 400 sq. foot box, erm I meant “studio.”

5th generation new yorker.  My mom was stay at home and my dad an MTA bus mechanic.  Not such a high income and I am yet to see my trust fund

this guy  is typical new yorker, loud mouth,no brain.

I moved here from the “country” at 17.  I had nothing… except a scholarship to fashion school.  I busted my butt, kept my grades at a 4.0 to maintain that scholarship for 4 years, and have lived here happily for the past 16 years.  I’ve lived with roommates, significant others, and (the ultimate NYC experience) alone.  I’m proud of the very comfortable salary I now earn at a job that thanks me for my efforts as well as the large top-floor apartment I occupy in a fancy-ish building in a great ‘hood.  I’ve earned them. 

Why struggle, you ask?  To accomplish.  To improve.  To better.  To be here because the magic of this city is worth all of the late nights in the office, the bad dates, the crowded subways, and whatever else can be classified as oppressive.  The point is that between the struggles you get to experience New York.  This city will change your life and hand you happiness you’ve never imagined.  If you let it. 

The article is mis-titled, is should say: How to visit New York for a couple of years

I’m a native New Yorker who moved away during high school and came back just after. Just those few years away from NYC made me appreciate the city a hundred times more, so when I got back I worked my ass off like any other transplant. I found this transplant attitude gave me an advantage over my fellow native New Yorkers. Go down the list. Most of the successful New Yorkers you’ll read about are not originally from the city. Native New Yorkers often forget the value of what we have because it’s all we know. “Familiarity breeds contempt” is true. Most native New Yorkers don’t fully appreciate what we grow up with in such an amazing city.

Working like a slave for free as an intern for a well funded new company feels like you’re getting screwed if you’re from NYC and are used to people trying to hustle you everyday. But if you’re from the midwest, you’re so happy to even be in NYC, you’ll work happily for free as a intern…which gives you tons more opportunities than someone who wouldn’t. I learned this first hand when I came back to NYC and worked like a transplant. I had a good deal of success. So much so, that often when people asked where I was from, they seemed surprised to learn I was a native New Yorker. That’s how seldom you run into native New Yorkers making big moves via in Manhattan. 

People are genuinely surprised if you’re successful ‘and’ a native. It happens, of course, there are tons of successful native New Yorkers, but more often than not, the successful people you run into in Manhattan are the transplants. All that said, the successful transplants have NOTHING in common with the person who wrote this article. They are not quitters. They are tenacious. They have no fear. They don’t view the city as a place to simply build “memories”. They view the city as a place to build a history, a career, an epic personal tale. 

Years ago when I read Didion’s essay about leaving New York (an essay light years better than this lightweight blog post) I was left feeling like Didion was trying to get readers to forgive her inability to handle NYC. “Give me a pass, because I saw how great living life free of pressure elsewhere is. NYC isn’t worth it, so I traded up, thoughtfully, and for my health…” etc. (the quotes are my paraphrase of her thoughts) But moving to NYC is not about your quality of life, or harmony with the universe. It is, very clearly and unapologetically, a proving ground for those looking to engage in competitive career building. Period. Enough dancing around the topic. That’s what NYC is. 

I love all the boroughs (well, not Staten Island) and NYC has tons of diverse culture and life experiences to offer. But if you truly are in search of a harmonious life mostly free of pressure…move somewhere else. New York IS pressure. It’s a pressure COOKER. It’s tosses people into the melting pot, heats them up, and the survivors climb out over the edges of the pot and show up in the newspapers and magazines as someone to watch. All the rest are melted down into lubricant for the city’s gears that the more industrious use to make their way toward their goals, and the others that aren’t melted down flee the city and later quietly (or in blog posts) pat themselves on the back for escaping such a “horrendous existence”.  

Everyone has different goals. No one should be dissed for deciding to stay and fight it out, or stay and be a permanent in-the-shadows role player, or leave the city so they can go smell the roses near some quiet lawn in another city altogether. Don’t confuse what NYC is. It is not the average city, so judging it or comparing it to any other city is dishonest right from the start. 

It’s like saying you like to play an occasional game of street basketball but hate the fact that all these NBA players keep coming to the park and crashing in on the game taking things too seriously, playing too intensely and flipping out on you if you don’t play hard (heck, you just wanted some exercise, right?). It’s the NBA, the pro league, the place where the best talent competes. If you don’t want to play at the highest level, go to another basketball court where others, like you, are more interested in just getting some exercise and possibly making a few friends while joking around and not playing so hard or taking the game so seriously. Those are your people. And there’s nothing wrong with them, or you. But that group doesn’t generally play ball in NYC, they go elsewhere. In NYC, you work hard, perhaps insanely so, and this either makes or breaks you. Don’t try to convince an NBA player that he’s crazy because he spends all his time trying to win a championship. You’re barking up the wrong tree. 

I have moved away from NYC three times in my life (not my choice during high school), and the places I moved to were AWESOME. But I always knew what I was missing. There’s simply is no denying it. In Europe the center of the universe for culture and business is London, in Asia it’s Hong Kong, in North America, it’s New York. If you disagree, I have no argument with you, I leave you to your own opinions. Incidentally, I have traveled and lived all around the world (EU/Asia), as well as in other parts of the U.S.(west coast/south/etc.), so my assessments are from direct experience with these places. 

So…The Way To Live In New York is… not to, unless you are willing to commit 150 percent to the notion that you are gambling everything and are guaranteed nothing and that that is how the city works, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. If you can’t embrace this, I suggest you don’t ever live in New York, lest you come away embittered, disappointed, and unable to stop yourself from writing essays that you hope will justify your inability to cope with or truly fathom the fundamental nature of one of the most competitive cities on the planet. 

Beautiful, and all complete bullshit. Any place can change your life, and no place can guarantee you happiness. 

“It feels like the center of the world”

That’s why new york appeals to big egos. I frankly don’t want to be the center of the world, or even at the center of the world. Besides, you’re just kidding yourself. I mean, you know that, right?

If you just moved here from Minnesota and are working for free as an intern and living in a $3000/month studio in Williamsburg, that means your parents are paying your rent, covering all your rooftop party expenses,giving you your spending money for your overpriced 1980s mall rat vintage clothes, your stank lice ridden wool caps all year round, big thick Lenscrafter goggle eyeglasses and gross sleeves of tattoos of cupcakes and grilled cheese sandwiches . So stop with the pretention that you’re really toughing it out in the big city with all the tall buildings and sirens and pizza. If you actually worked a job for an entry level wage you wouldn’t be living in gentrified Williamsburg, SoHo or Park Slope, you’d be living in Newark and your parents know that. So they set you up in your little crappy overpriced box in gentrified Bushwick, where you’ll be “nice and safe” around other transplants such as yourself. You may be living in NYC, but you’re still just as sheltered as you were in Cul-De-Sac Land, Kansas City or wherever the fuck it is you’re from. It’s when you hipster jackoffs realize that your parents have spent their retirement savings on your Brooklyn staycation, and can’t pay for your playtime and pretend careers anymore, that’s when you idiots pack up and go home with same U-Haul you drove in with.

He obviously only hung out with other transplants, then moved back when he realized he couldn’t go on living here without his parent’s “help”. Since transplants like him whose parents will pay top dollar so that their Precious Snowflake doesn’t have to live in “the poor section”, i.e. Mt. Vernon, NOT Williamsburg, and can “follow his dreams” of Critical Drama Performance Theory, they’ll keep pricing themselves out of here eventually.

Then they go home to Cul-De-Sac Suburb of Minneapolis and brag how they roughed it in this big city, when they didn’t earn shit here on their own. Their parents paid for everything, then pulled the plug. They moved back to Pennsyltuckyhio and are now watching porn all day in their rooms with the Jonas Brothers and Britney Spears posters on the walls, while blogging about how “real” and “urban”and “rilly kewel” it was to live in rough tough Williamsburg. Their whole existence here is a total sham, completely fake.

People whose parents stop paying for them that’s who. Then they go back home and get all nostalgic and think they have street cred here. When they didn’t do jack shit on their own while here. Their parents paid for everything, pulled strings to get them free internships, and funded their stupid $20 “craft” mayonnaise stalls, $15 Vegan (Duncan Hines)Cupcake Shoppes, 8$ dipped-in-shit organic hot dogs, Coffee Nazi Barista Laptopistan WiFi hobo hangouts and when these half baked business plans failed-well then it’s BUH BAYE! Back to Minnetonka.

I loved the piece. You angry New Yorkers should chill the fuck out! Try listen to the guy. If you live in Newark and have a minimum wage job, you probably deserve it.

What about the people that just wanted to LIVE here, to enjoy the style that no other city has to offer, to build themselves a life here, to be totally cool with their apartment, even if it is a lot smaller than a Mc Mansion?  To have a job to pay the bills, even if it isn’t some high  power, cut throat, “prove yourself job”, to be able to pay for some good restaurants here, culture, a trip to see MET opera or NY Philharmonic, to get an iPad or whatever.
To just have a life in NYC, to live here.  Not to say they “experienced” it.  Not to leave when the novelty wore off or your parent’s money ran out.  Not to get out when the vanity project got old.

How about the people who came to NYC looking for something, haven’t given up on what they were looking for, but found much, much more?  Or the people who found what they were looking for but, found much more?

I don’t care if you end up living in Staten Island, NYC is  like no other place in the world.  And if you just like NYC for what it is, you’ll stick around.  Or not.  NYC is not for everybody.

But it should not be a forgone conclusion that NYC is a temporary place to party then leave when it gets old.

For a lot of people it becomes their home.

I came here at age 27.  I am 27 now and have no intention of leaving.

What did I find here?

Peace
love
flexibility
exploration
adventure
culture
diversity
friends
spontainaity

Fake Newe Yorkers leave.  Real New Yorkers stay.

I am a New Yorker.

Try living in Chicago. Has everything New York has to offer but on a smaller scale. Cleaner (we’ve got alleys), cheaper, friendlier, big buildings (second biggest financial district in the country behind Manhattan), and Lake Michigan. Plus, you’ll rarely hear Chicagoans ranting to other people about how much better Chicago is than every other city.  I’ve heard many a Chicago visitor talk about how cool NYC is but how they would never live there and how they’d love to live in Chicago. You know why? Because Chicago is livable. And even if Chicago is not your cup of tea, we know we live in an amazing city but understand that there are other great cities out there too.

Sure our winters are colder, but I can’t think of single reason to live in New York when I’m already here in Chicago. Well…other than to tell people I live in NYC just to impress them, but isn’t that already what irks people about New Yorkers?

New York = Awesome place to visit. Chicago = Excellent place to live.

who cares. admit that it’s subjective and get over it.

you are my hero. marvelously well written, excellent, and EXACTLY right. Bravo. 

thanks :-)

Your post isn’t doing much for the reputation of NYC Schools. You invested your toil you say?

Could you please have less of an obsession with being “authentic”?

New York is absolutely incredible, and I wish to move there one day.  Yeah it is very expensive, but so can every where else if you’re just starting out.  I want to be a writer up there and nothing is going to stop me. I’ve been to the city before and i love it. 

I’m a proud 5th generation New Yorker. My whole family was raised here, and when I leave the house, I see nothing but smiling faces and happy people. Sadness can be found anywhere in the world, but living in New York makes me happier than I could ever imagine. New York City welcomes all people of all shapes and sizes, which I can’t say for much of the rest of the world. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of “Hell’s” Kitchen and go back, which is totally fine, but don’t sit there and look down your nose at New York when it welcomed you with open arms and gave you more opportunities, more memories, and more laughter than you could’ve ever gotten anywhere else. As a reporter in New York City, I find this article insulting to both my trade and my city.

Spoken like a true hipster.  

Brilliantly put.  ::standing ovation::

Guys.  He’s 25 and has lived here for a year.  Truly he’s an arbiter of New York City, its 9 million residents, and life.  

The author is clearly another tourist who’s here to have his “New York” experience before he scurries back to the bland Midwestern town that spawned him. He’ll no doubt begin to erect picket fences anchored in tales of the New York days that will make him the most interesting dad in his subdivision. Thanks for driving my rent up dude. Here for life.

Been here 4 months, am 22. Moved from England. Even grey, gloomy, cold, dark, wet England was better than over-hyped NYC. I agree with this article. NYC has been a major disappointment so far.

This is the truest statement that have read on this comment stream yet.  I am a New Yorker, Grew up there and love it as well as hate it.  I leave sometimes and then miss it so I wind up crawling back for my fix.  After living in 5 different states and I still go around saying that NY is the best place to be.  Everything is most definitely subjective. 

Ugh, this could read as how to live in any city! New York is not the only city life! Sure, it’s big, but does that mean it’s the best? Do you really NEED 25 H &M’s? Do you really NEED 140 Starbucks’? There’s more people, that’s it. Every city has amazing food, rooftop parties, late-night talks, flings, eccentric neighborhoods and subways. Every city. 

I have to disagree with the last sentence, a true New Yorker will leave and will always come back. You can get fed up and move away two, three times. Yet they always come back.

im 22 yrs old living in South Carolina currently. I graduate next december and am highly considering moving to new york city for a career in broadcast journalism. Ill be visiting in a few weeks and from what i have heard, its the city full of opportunity and possibilities. I hope my visit will confirm what i have always seen and read about new york city. 

Haha… I know right! 

*gags* 

Kill me now!!!

Even bad sex is still sex!

This article is a bit…negative…

It makes new york seem like it gets bad after living there for a whilem ( which it doesn’t!!!!!!)

i loved it

That about perfectly sums up my NYC experience. I left after 3 years of being so broke and lonely, yet so drunk and fabulous to all outward appearances. I wondered if everyone else there felt so crushingly alone surrounded by so many people, or was I the only one. 

IS this you Carol? Or you took the words (literally words i thought) right out of my head. Im just stunned, first of all, and agree. Thanks?

I have lived here two years, and I pay for all of my expenses. It’s a hard and expensive city to live in; unless you’re clocking at least $50k-60k+ a year, it can be hard to enjoy what the city has to offer.  It can also be a lonely place if you’re not the barhopping type (lord knows I’m not).  But I have a good job, a great girlfriend, and a nice apartment. Yes, I agonize over how ridiculous expenses are/how long I’ll have to pay off student loans/etc, but I find that whenever I leave NYC, I find myself wanting to come back within a week or two at the latest.  Everything’s at your fingertips here, and the city’s always keeping you moving and stimulated.  And if you want to get out of NYC, transportation to other locations is easily done.

NYC is not for the lazy, unadventurous type.  You have to be proactive.  You almost have to be masochistic and *enjoy* the pain of challenge, and wear it like a badge of honor.  It’s the pain of the challenge that makes the fruits of the rewards that much better.  I’ll never get bored here.

every city does not. what FUCKING planet are you on? really….Boise, Idaho has a FUCKING SUBWAY?! Get real, douche. There’s only one New York.

I rarely see people crying in public. LOL!

There is the rest of the world outside of the USA too ;) like Europe – having amazing food, rooftop parties, late-night talks, flings, eccentric neighborhoods and subways.
But don’t get me wrong – there IS only one NYC and I love it. But there are also other AMAZING cities :)

you said it so aptly. the feeling of abject loneliness even when you’re surrounded by all the trappings of fabulosity makes you almost believe in your own faux image. but i wouldn’t trade it for anything.

i want to be a fashion editor and my biggest dream is to move to NYC and nothing can stop me from it…n also i feel that this article is a lot negative…

A crap, disgusting, dirty surrounded by jerks SUBWAY.  Woooo Hooo. Your so proud of your subway… Who gives a flip. 

It doesn’t strike me as negative at all… though it’s an acknowledgement that no dream is perfect, it strikes me as affectionate, even loving, of the city it’s about.

I think its difficult for many people to learn a new culture, and NYC is definitely a new culture, even if its part of the USA.  We just spent five years living in another country and it is just hard starting in a new city.  Don’t go if you don’t have a spirit of adventure and courage and be willing to put yourself out there to meet new people.  My teen daughter wants to live in NYC and we encourage her to go for it.  Life is meant to be lived!

Its not at all negative…I lived in New York for 6 years. Went there for school and work. I recently moved back “home”. This article describes the beauty of living in New York and the thoughts and feelings when you actually go back”home”. What this article says it exactly how I feel. Ive done it all…I went there when I was 20, I paid CRAZY money to get my first apt which you have to or you wont have a home. I spent the first couple of months in the LES until I planted my ass in Brooklyn. Ive had shitty jobs until I found an amazing one!!! Ive cried outside Chase. Ive done pretty much everything this article says and mo matter how many tears, how little money ive had I came out with the best of friends, an amazing job and a ABSOLUTELY amazing experience. And I would do it all over again. So if you get the chance to move to New York, do it!

i living in Ukraine. But  if somebody invite me to New Yourk

I need to live in NY

so what about you talking
I am guy from Ukraine

Love this.

The positives outweigh the negatives. New York will knock you down sometimes, but it’ll pick you back up too :) 

I’ve cried on the subway like 20 times… I should probably think about that.

This sums up New York living perfectly. The only thing that I would add is that this place runs on coffee.

None of these things sound even remotely appealing to me. And I’ve lived in NY, and I have no desire to go back. Oh well to each his own I guess!

In Calif; it costs me 310$ a yr own my car and not even drive it out of a drive way. (Insurance, tags)
I miss living in London, didnt need a car (sounds like Manhattan) I’d love to live in Manhattan.
I’d sell my stupid car. LA is full of idiots driving 75 mph in the slow lane going no where. Bumper to bumper Toco bells, parking lots and cars. Im sick of it. I want to go for a glass of wine, meet a man who wears a suit and loves me. Im sick of LA.